Now, I don't want you to get your hopes up :) I don't plan on "dieting" such as following weight watchers, using spark people, counting calories, etc. I won't be beating myself up when I eat a cheeseburger, or chastising myself for "missing" a workout. I won't be making charts and graphs (I don't think), weighing in weekly, or setting goals for pounds lost at specific times. There is NOTHING wrong with those things and if you do them, more power to you. I just know that for me, it doesn't work - can't work - long term and I need a new approach.
I am past all of that, and don't wish to ever do it again. I want to be an intuitive eater, and I want to be more fit and healthy. Here's the thing... Intuitive Eating is just like anything else - it's hard to adapt to, its easy to get lazy and ignore my health goals for myself. So somewhere I have to strike a balance between being a dieter and being a true Intuitive Eater. One is too strict and the other is not strict enough. This blog from this point forward will be about me trying to find that balance.
I will say this - I have given up on unrealistic goals. Not because I think I could never achieve them, but because I have found that it makes me unhappy trying to do so.
What I mean is this. I have been at this (trying to lose weight) on and off as long as I can remember. I've been a weight loss blogger for EIGHT. YEARS. I've gone up and down, up and down and now I feel like I have finally figured out what the problem is. The problem is my body has a natural weight it is comfortable at - that weight being about 250lbs.
Every time I've tried to lose weight, my body has gotten stuck around that weight. Then after continuing to do well, or trying to change things up to lose a little more, I get frustrated that the scale won't move and I "give up" and start eating whatever I want, and not exercising, because what's the point if I can't lose more? I have managed to get as low as 239, but I had to fight my way tooth and nail - and have a stomach flu - for it to happen. However in the 250-260 range, my body stays there pretty naturally. Even when I would start going off the deep end and stuffing my face, it would take a long time to gain if I was somewhere in the 250's.
So I have concluded something. I need to take my newfound attitude of being happy with myself, and apply it when I reach that weight range. I am pretty happy with myself now, weighing around 300. Something I never thought could be possible. Yet, I am uncomfortable physically. My clothes don't fit right even when they are big enough, and I just don't feel "good." So... some weight needs to come off. But this time, when I get to that magic range, I won't let ANYONE make me feel like I am still 100 lbs overweight. Though that may be true based on charts, for me I think its the right weight.
So can I just make this claim to all of you and let it settle in...... I CAN BE TRULY HAPPY AT 250LBS. I know there are many of you out there that weigh less than that - even under 200 - and aren't happy.... and how brazen you must think I am to make such a claim. But for me, it's true. We are all different and for me, that is my truth.
Let's take a second here and just LOOK at me weighing in the 250's. What did I look like? How did I feel? What did I do?
Does this girl look fat and unhappy?
Now a lot of people might say yes of course I still looked fat. And you are welcome to your opinion, I mean yes, I weighed around 250 lbs in these photos. But for me, it's a great time in my life when I felt good, felt like I looked good, found clothes easily, didn't have trouble doing active things, and I felt pretty "normal."
Nowadays, I am not feeling that way. I'm feeling uncomfortable and lazy. Let's compare to me right now.
I have grown a lot in these 50 lbs I have gained. What's funny is I feel better about myself now than I ever LET MYSELF FEEL when I weight 250. I vow never to do that again. I want to keep the good attitude I have now, but work toward feeling physically better, and being healthier. Never again will I be on a journey to lose 100-150 lbs. Now it's just 50. And I don't care how long it takes, either... I just want to be going in the right direction.
How I get there... that's going to be the next big blog post. Because I need to work on finding that balance between restriction, and free-for-all.
Right now I have less than a week until I move. I am going to be working on some better food choices this week, but probably not "working out." I'll be getting good activity preparing for the move. And a couple walks would be good for me too.
Anyway I would LOVE to go on and on, but I'll save more for the next post. Thank you to any of you who are still hanging out here with me :) I hope you can follow along with me as I take an unconventional approach to weight loss... one without time constraints, guilt, will power, and al the other things we are used to. I am excited about it, but it will also be a challenge. There are no rules for how to have no rules!!! :)
