Sure He Meant Well, But...

So an interesting thing happened when my husband and I went swimming at our gym on Friday night. We had just gotten into the lap pool and I started ducking under the lane dividers and making my way to the other side. When I looked back to see where hubby was, he was in the water but having a conversation with this other guy above the water. I listened as much as I could from so far away, enough to gather that they were discussing weight loss surgery. I heard the other guy say "it saved my life... I used to be over 400 lbs." Since I was already farther away I just went ahead and started my swim, expecting Ian would tell me about the conversation later.

I had assumed that since my husband does not wear a shirt when he swims, the guy had seen the scars on my husbands stomach and recognized them as weight loss surgery scars, and that this had prompted their discussion. Their discussion went on 10 entire minutes (which felt like FOREVER as I was swimming, lol.) I was rather curious what it was about. When we finished swimming we went to the hot tub and my husband filled me in on the conversation.

As it turns out, the guy had not noticed Ian's scars. On the contrary, he was SUGGESTING weight loss surgery to Ian and me, because he saw us walking to the pool and saw our size, and he wanted to tell us about it so we would know there is hope, and there are options out there.

Um... ouch. Can I just say, this feels like a sucker punch to me. I am glad I was off swimming and doing my own thing instead of present for the conversation. Ian did tell him we had it, that he has lost 70 lbs and I have lost 90lbs... and they had a pretty pleasant conversation. The guy used the same surgeon as us, and had gastric bypass... he hadn't heard of the sleeve and was curious so Ian explained it to him.

While I understand this guy has good intentions and just wants to spread the good word so to speak... that can be VERY offensive, whether the person has had surgery or not. As a post op, especially with as MUCH WEIGHT as we have lost... it makes me feel like... really?? We are still SO BIG that you would suggest it to us??? Both of us have BMI's low enough now that we would not even QUALIFY for weight loss surgery. (You should have a BMI above 40... mine is currently 36.4 and Ian's is 39. When we started mine was 52 and Ian's was 50.) Here I am fitting into non-plus size clothing sizes (at least on top anyway) and someone thinks I'm big enough that he should suggest it to me... that kind of blows my mind. I am pretty average now I think... not in the fact that I am normal weight... but that there are a LOT of people out there wearing size 18 and XL. I like to think I don't stick out like a sore thumb anymore as the fattest person in a room, you know?

Ian took it a lot better than I did... he saw the guy's good intentions and the fact that he was so excited about how it changed his life. Maybe if I had been present I would have seen that more too. I feel like while I'm sure the guy meant well, it just isn't his PLACE. I mean, when my DOCTOR told me I should consider weight loss surgery, I cried right there in his office. I was so sad and hurt. And then I was 310 lbs... he had every reason to suggest it and, as my DOCTOR, it was his responsibility to try and help my health. Even then I was hurt. To have a stranger come up to me on the street (or at the gym pool as it may be)... well that is just a whole different situation and seems really inappropriate to me.

In a way I am kind of glad it happened because I have actually been tempted to say something to people before. When I see VERY large people, I wish to help them, to let them know what surgery can do. But I don't... and here are my reasons why I don't. 1- Surgery is not the right answer for everybody, even the morbidly obese. You have to be ready for it, able to commit, have enough self control and discipline to make it work beyond what the surgery does for you, and to make it last.  2- some people may WANT surgery, but either don't qualify, don't have medical insurance, or don't have the ability to pay even with insurance, let alone self pay. 3- I don't feel it is my place. While yes, it COULD save someone's life, I also think it could destroy someone's life. Many obese people suffer from depression (I heard 89% as the statistic at my surgeon's seminar)... what if a comment like this causes them to hate themselves even more? What if they were to commit suicide over the fact a perfect stranger suggested WLS to them? Yes that is extreme, but it could happen. Sure it could motivate someone to try to diet again... and then 6 months later when dieting fails, they feel like a failure again. I would not want to be responsible for someone feeling ANY of those things.

My rule is this - I am not secretive about my surgery. If someone asks how I did it, I tell them. While some people go with "I eat small portions and exercise" because it is technically not a lie... I don't personally take this approach because I would never want to make anyone feel 'less than'. For example going home thinking, 'that girl lost 90 lbs just eating right and exercising, why can't I do that? I am such a failure!' I know that's how **I** have felt when someone has told me that.
On the flip side though, I don't go around talking about my surgery to everyone... if they don't ask, I don't tell. I will not go up to a stranger and just tell them I had it, or that they should consider it themselves. Nor will I tell overweight friends or family that they should have it. If someone asks because they want to know, I will gladly tell them as much information as they would like to hear. But only if they ask.

What is your take on this? How would you feel if this happened to you, both pre-op (or not even considering/never have had an op) or if it happened post-op like it did to us? What is your stance on talking about surgery?

Week 23 Update

(I'm not going to repeat everything from my video, so if you can't watch it now, please do go back and watch it when you can.)

This is my first crack at doing WEEKLY videos instead of just monthly. I had PLENTY to say this week. I really enjoy making the videos so I will be trying to do so every week and see if I can keep up with that :)

This Week's Weigh-in...

219.4 ... a loss of 1.6lbs from last week's weigh in. Things stayed the same the first 4 days of the week, then I stayed off the scale til today... so it must have happened in the past couple days. I am only weighing in once a week from now on. I'm glad things are moving again, but I am definitely going to stop focusing so much on the scale.

Workouts This Week...
Fri 10/22 4 Mile Super Challenge DVD (Leslie Sansone)
Sat 10/23 1.0 mile walk in 20 mins
Sun 10/24 1.8 mile walk in 40 mins
Tues 10/26 1.6 mile walk in 30 mins
Wed 10/27 40 mins ARC trainer- level 4 hill intervals, stretching

My personal training on Monday got canceled so I walked Tuesday instead. :) I have workouts planned already for tomorrow and Sunday. Really ENJOYING my workouts this week! Here's a photo from our Sunday walk...

Some Things I Ate This Week...

I have been taking a lot less food pics lately since I eat a lot of the same stuff over and over, but I do need to get better about taking pics again. We had dinner at my aunt's house on Sunday and I didn't take pics of anything!!

Here's the ones I do have from this week...

Two round whole wheat crackers (Archer Farms), each with an ounce of chicken salad (Market Pantry). About 1/4 cup of grapes and 1/4 cup of cheese and salami diced up. I did finish it but it turned out to make me a little too full.

1/4 cup Campbell's creamy tomato soup and 1 small fajita sized whole wheat tortilla with about 2oz of tuna and 2 slices american cheese. I was only able to eat 1/2 of the tortilla shown here so I ended up saving the other half and having it later with another 1/4 cup of soup. Very comforting on a cold day. Since the soup container has 2 cups, it's going to take me a while to get through it! Ha.

That's all the news for this week. I had to cut time from my video where I was talking about some great blogs I've come across this week and how timely they were... they really spoke to me and helped me change my mindset also. I'll do a separate post soon sharing some of these blogs and the insight I've gained from them!

The Scale and Pie Graphs

The scale finally moved a smidge down to 220.5 ~ It has been creeping up to 221.8-222 so thank goodness it seems to be going in the right direction now. It could just be today though, who knows. At least it is encouraging.. and now I won't weigh myself again until Thursday for my weekly weigh in. I also think I might start doing weekly videos... not sure though. I just feel like I forget so much by the time I hit my month mark... maybe I would be able to share more along the way by doing weekly videos. :)

As I mentioned in my last video, I went ahead and started tracking my food again for the past few days. I downloaded two apps to my iPhone - SparkPeople and DailyBurn. I also checked out their website versions. I used to use SparkPeople for quite a while after I moved out here and started a weight loss program, and it had worked really well for me, so I assumed I would use that one. However with my current eating habits of eating 6 small meals a day, it doesn't really work for me anymore. It does allow you to add custom meals, but not put them in any order you want. So when I look at my page for the day, it says "Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Snack, Breakfast #2, Lunch #2, Dinner #2. While this can certainly work, and it doesn't affect your calorie total at the end of the day... it just isn't convenient for me.

On DailyBurn, it is set up like this. "Breakfast, Morning Snack, Lunch, Afternoon Snack, Dinner, Evening Snack." This works perfectly for me. It also has two of the features I used to enjoy on SparkPeople - a tracker for glasses of water, and a pie graph of your daily calorie intake that shows you your percentages of fat, protein and carbs for the day. The downside, however, is that these two features are on the website but NOT the iPhone app. Not a HUGE deal, because I am on my computer a lot every day. But if I were away from home, it would be nice to have those on the app. Of course, I can use the web on my phone too and log into the site that way, so I guess it's not a huge deal.

Other things I like about Daily Burn... the food database has been great so far... many foods have pictures, and when you look at your day you can see what you've eaten in pictures. When you add a new food yourself, or your own recipe, you can upload a picture of your own, too. There is also an additional app which costs $2.99 (the regular daily burn app is free) called FoodScanner. You can add this on, and it allows you to scan the bar code on any packaged food, and it will bring up the nutrition info if the food is in their database. So far I haven't encountered a food that was not in their database. If you do, again you can add it yourself including the bar code number, then it will show up for other people who search for it.

I've decided to stick with Daily Burn. It works well for me. I have no idea if I will track ALL the time or not. It might be something I do just when I'm going through rough patches like this plateau, or maybe do 1 week a month so I can check in with myself... we shall see. For now I'll just do it til I don't feel like doing it anymore.

I've already learned something important, which is I wasn't staying as low-carb as I had been in the past. The pie graph really helped me out with that. Yesterday I cut back to less carbs, more protein, and the scale dropped today. Most likely NOT a coincidence, since I haven't changed anything else. Same amount of exercise, same calorie range, still on my period. But it's the first time in a week that the scale went down. So I think I'm on to something here.

I thought since I was surpassing my protein requirements (getting over 100g per day) that it was okay to have a few more carbs. But that obviously was slowing things down. Maybe I'm jumping the gun here, though... one day isn't enough to know for sure. I'll have more to say at my weekly weigh in on Thurs. I'm going to stay low carb and see if things get moving again :)

5 Month Update: Part 2

Back as promised (although a little late) to share my video update and progress pics for 5 months. :)

Full Progression:

This month compared to last month:

This month compared to the start:

Thanks for checking in on me :)

5 Month Update: Part 1

I'm splitting my 5 Month Update into two parts because right now I don't have my progress photos or video ready, those will come tomorrow :) It's now dark when hubby gets home from work, so my dad is going to come over today to take my progress photos :) Then I have to make them into the side-by-side comparisons, and record my video at some point!

This Months Stats:
Current Weight: 221 lbs
(Starting Weight was 310 lbs)
Weight 1 Month Ago: 230 lbs
Weight Lost This Month: 9 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 89 lbs
Inches Lost This Month: 5 1/2"
Total Inches Lost: 62" (wow)
Current clothing sizes: (thought I'd add this category!)
Tops: XL Bottoms: 18 Bra: 42B
Beginning clothing sizes were:
Tops: 3X Bottoms: 26/28 Bra: 48B

My detailed measurements will soon be on my Stats Page.

Here's the obligatory photo from the scale :)

I will expand more on my thoughts from this month when I do my video... but definitely my loss was slower this month. Challenges? I was sick with strep and ear infection. Lost 2 lbs during that time but they stayed gone so I think they were real. Had the never-ending period, it finally ended... for only a week and a half, and now it's back :( Yesterday I was cranky, felt down, felt hungry, craved sweet things more. Should have known. Welcome back dear monthly visitor. Don't you know you are 2 weeks early? So... at least I understand the scale. Things were going down again and I got to 220.5 but then yesterday and the day before were 221-222. Whyyyyyy??? Now I know why :-P I have continued with my workouts and eating well so I knew the gain wasn't "real", but I thought maybe it was from building muscle with personal training. That may be part of it but I sure know that it is probably water retention due to getting my period again. Sigh.

At any rate, 9 lbs for the months is still awesome. It's the least I've had so far and I am definitely battling that fear that it is slowing way down now... but I am keeping my head in the game and hoping it will pick up slightly again. I am 11 pounds from losing 100 lbs, and I wanted to hit that mark by the time I hit 6 months. So my goal for this month is to meet or exceed 11 pounds lost. :) I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen!! Has 3 workouts already this week (Sun,Mon,Thurs) and have two more planned (Fri, Sun)soon :) Missed yesterday because I was so tired/cranky/down... at least now I know there was a reason.

So! Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back with my progress photos and video!

Now just a little more about clothes :) Again. LOL

Normally I wouldn't shop for clothes twice in one week. However, I went to another JC Penney trying to find the white vest in black (website says 'no longer available'), and I wanted to get the pink/grey striped hoodie in the purple/grey combo too. I found the hoodie, but not the vest. Fortunately I found another vest that I love even MORE!!! It's warmer and more suitable for the cold, which I will be needing because I am always cold now. It is size XL. I also bought one more long sleeve shirt, black/white stripes, in size LARGE!!! And two sweaters, in size LARGE!!! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I know it's just different pieces fitting differently, but it was awesome to find out I can wear XL, and then L, in the same week :-D

Here's my new stuffs...

The vest fits like a glove and makes me feel so thin. Plus it's warm and COZY! It turned cold when I was in the store (67 when I went in, 52 when I came out an hour later) so I wore it :) 52 felt like winter freeze... so I am reaaaaallly going to be in trouble when it's in the 20's and 30's. Ahhhh!

I also got some clothes from my sister in law. I didn't take pics of most of them but thought I would show off this cute dress:

It's a size XL from Target. Their other stuff doesn't fit me, so that's weird. But anyway... I have no idea if I'll get to wear this dress to anything during the time it fits me, but if so, at least it's hanging in my closet. :) She was just going to get rid of it anyway. Maybe if we go to a nice dinner out sometime soon I can wear a jacket over it. It might still be too cold though.

I finally lost some inches off my upper arm this month. About 1 1/2" I think. It was about the same for 3 months so YAY! I think in the above photo of the black dress, I can tell my arm is smaller. Whoooo!

That's it for now, back with Part Two soon!

New Clothes, New Size

Hey everybody! First a quick update since my last post ~ no, my weight did not bounce back up and I am at 220.5 right now...yes, my period has actually stopped (thank God! finally!)...and yes I am feeling all better now :) Almost done with my antibiotic. Just a little scratchiness in my throat but nothing too bad.

Today is going to be my first personal training session!! It's not at Lifetime, it's at the independent place that works with bariatric patients. I'm aiming to do personal trianing Mondays and the group class Thursdays (both are strength training) in addition to my 3 cardio days per week. I'll let you know how it goes :)

OK so on to what this post is really about... new clothes!!

Everything I had left that fits is all t-shirts and tank tops. It is definitlely fall now, although we are still having a lot of days in the 70's, there are some in the 50's and 60's.... and this is Colorado so, it could snow tomorrow without warning lol. The only predictable thing about Colorado weather is the fact that it's unpredictable ;) or so they say.

So! I put together Fashion Show Video #2 :) Hope you enjoy!

The summary, if you don't have time or can't watch the video:

Stocked up on great layering pieces that will work for fall and winter. Long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts, sweaters, and a puffer vest. I got 10 pieces at JC Penney for $141.00... feel like I got a good value... and a lot of great stuff for the season- until it gets too big anyway :-D But since things are moving a little slower now, hopefully the clothes will last a little longer. Anyway, the big news of the video is that I went to plus sizes, tried on a bunch of 1X's and most of them were huge on me. A few things ran smaller and fit well, so I got those. Then I went downstairs to REGULAR sizes and tried on a bunch of XL's - which ALL fit. Well, all except one thing that was a little too tight. This felt great - first time ever fitting into regular XL's in my adult life. I also talk a little bit about body dismorphia and how I still look at the clothes and think they are way too small.
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I ended up getting even MORE clothes after the happenings of this video - and I didn't have to spend any money!! Why? Because I am now the same size as my sister in law Melissa... and she went through her closet and got rid of a bunch of stuff she didn't need anymore. I went over there last night to try things on and I came home with like 6-7 tops, a couple sweatshirts and a pair of jeans! Whoo!! Score!

I had suspicions I was getting to be an XL because I tried on some clearance tops at Eddie Bauer last week in XXL that were too big. They didn't have them in XL so I didn't know for sure. My SIL keeps asking me if I can shop at Old Navy yet (plus is online only, so stores are only regular sizes)... and I said yes I think I'd fit in the XXL's. Well when I was at her house last night, I tried on some things in her closet also just to see - I tried several Old Navy XL's (not XXL!!) and they all fit too. I'm sure I'm still a ways away from fitting in a juniors XL for some of the cuter,trendier stuff I see in the stores...but hey, I am well on my way now to shopping in regular stores. :) YAY!

This pic is of my favorite top that I got (if you watched the video you already saw this pic)... I am posting this pic because it really makes me see/realize that I've lost 90 lbs. :) Love it.

Week 21 Update

So I have really not been good at keeping up with weekly updates in quite some time. I am going to try to get back to that, now!! Since I was weighing a lot more than once a week, I usually forgot to do an official weigh in each Thursday. Definitely want to get back to that so I can look at my weekly progress overall :) Also thank you to the commenter who said they missed my more frequent updates... I do want to blog more!
As far as this past week... well I was kind of down and out because I found myself struck with Strep AND an ear infection!!! Yep, at the same time. Fun huh? I've been on an antibiotic for a couple of days now and I'm feeling MUCH better. Even went for a walk tonight with the hubby to ease back into working out.

Today my weight is...

222.0 lbs... finally down a little bit after being stuck in the 224-225 range for two weeks. However... I don't know if I trust it yet because of the fact that I've been sick!! It could just be loss from not eating much and it might bounce back on me. I guess only time will tell but it sure felt good to see a different number finally. Hope it does stick around.

Also to update on my last post... I am back on the pill again with a new pill pack and, fingers crossed, I think my period FINALLY STOPPED. I haven't had it for 3 days now. However, being sick could be affecting that too so jury's still out. The doctor I saw about my strep throat is also my obgyn and so I asked her about everything. She said her gut instinct is to wait it out a little longer and if in another month or two things still aren't right she'll have me try a different pill.

She confirmed something that I heard in the Vertical Sleeve Talk forums.... Estrogen IS IN FACT stored in fat cells, so when you lose weight rapidly and your fat cells shrink, large amounts of hormones are released into your body which can really mess with a lot of things... not just period wise but emotionally and energy levels and just all kinds of things. I was surprised she confirmed this as it sounded wacky to me. But it's good to know!!! Hopefully I've found the end of the crazy times.

In other news... I cooked twice this week! Real recipes!! I hate cooking and I haven't made any REAL recipes since surgery. Everything has just been grab this, grab that and we have a meal. It's been good, but it was time to start cooking again.

I tried one of these new McCormick Recipe Inspirations for Garlic Lime Fajitas. All the spices you need come in the package, and it has a detachable (reusable) recipe card on the back that is perforated and you punch it out of the package.

In addition to the seasonings in the packet we had to buy the chicken breast, a bell pepper, an onion, orange juice, lime juice and tortillas. We also used a little shredded cheese and sour cream. Soooo... it's not exactly all inclusive, but definitely did jump start me into cooking something. Probably a good way to try a recipe, but then in the future I can use the recipe card and just buy the ingredients and whatnot.

I don't have any pics of this dish.. but it turned out very yummy. I'd make it again for sure, but I would double the amount of marinade. There wasn't really enough to cover the chicken well.

Tonight I made this recipe I came across called Hot Chicken Salad. It turned out REALLY yummy. I didn't have enough celery, but it was still totally fine. It actually made a pretty small casserole... which for us as post-ops is great, but if you were cooking to also feed your family, there probably would be no leftovers.

Why I think this casserole is great for post ops is it is mainly chicken. There is no rice or potatoes. It's mostly protein and a little veggie. I did use light mayo and 2% cheese to help with the fat & calorie content a bit.

Here's my photos of how it turned out:

Very tasty and I definitely recommend.

That's about it for my week! We have dinner plans tomorrow night with some friends to go to the Spaghetti Factory. I have not eaten pasta since surgery so that will be interesting. I will probably order one of their famous meatballs and only eat a bite or two of pasta noodles. Their meatballs and marinara sauce are supposed to be excellent.

Will be back soon with another update :)

Just Some Thoughts

I really haven't been blogging much about surgery stuff anymore. It's like nothing is really too different so I haven't felt like I had a lot to say. But I realize I do have things to say, I do have a lot of thoughts that go through my head around surgery and weight loss and I really need to start getting them out a little more often!

Right now I'm in a little bit of a funk. Weight loss has really slowed down this month. I expected this to happen but I didn't think it would happen so soon. I guess it could be temporary and things could pick up again, but I am not sure what to expect. I'm not really stalled or anything, but this month has definitely been different. When I came off my two week 'stall' during my Chicago vacation, I lost 4 lbs the next week which is awesome... then it stayed the same for another week. Then I lost 5 more lbs over the next couple of weeks but now it's stopped again. So far this "month" (meaning since my surgaversary on Sept 20th) I've lost 6 lbs and now I'm stuck. With less than 2 weeks til the end of my "month", I don't see myself losing 15 lbs this month like I have been, unless things REALLY pick up. I am okay with slower loss, and if that's what I'm slipping into now, I will deal with that... it's just the unknown that I guess has me a little worried.

There's a lot of things going on. For one, my body has been all messed up since surgery... I had to go off my birth control for surgery and wait 6 weeks after before taking it again. I had no period from the time I went off the pill 6 weeks prior, to the time I went back on it 6 weeks after. After being on it for a few weeks I got my period and I have basically had it EVER SINCE. I think I am going on about 7 weeks of having it at this point. It gets lighter, then heavier, almost like I am still having a "period week" when it's heavier, but it never completely goes away. I really miss being so regular like I was before... and I am so tired from all the hormonal changes. I'm off the pill this week, and start up again on Saturday... really hoping THIS will be the cycle that my body gets back on track. Please?

My other issue is this week (which I guess my body thinks is period week) I feel so hungry all the time. I'm eating a lot more. Not more amount at a time, but more often. I just can't seem to stay satisfied. I am hoping and praying this is hormonal and will fix itself too... but I'm scared to death that what if it isn't?! What if I stay this hungry? It will be sooooo much harder and sooooo much slower to lose the weight if that is the case.

I'm still working out 3-5 days a week. This week was 4. But nothing is happening on the scale at all.

This is the first time I would say I have felt freaked out about the scale not moving. Most of the time it doesn't phase me at all. But this time because of the hunger I'm feeling, and because I'm working out as much as I am, I don't know... it's making me nervous.

It is probably silly to think the loss could be stopping or at least slowing way down this soon. But I can't help but be scared. There is that part of me that still doesn't BELIEVE that all of this is real. That part of me that thinks I'll start gaining it all back now. I think that part is getting the better of me today. I just really want to see things start moving again.

I'm getting all my protein, I'm eating well. I have noticed my water intake going down so my focus today is hydrate hydrate hydrate and I'm going to try to stay focused on that each day. Not sure what else I can do but just WAIT. :) Hopefully patiently... lol.