Hey all! Just a quick post to let you know everything is going well. I had a 30 min phone session on Thursday. The main new thing is I need to work harder to write down my food right after I eat it. I usually forget and do it later or at the end of the day. So I am working on that (although, still rather unsuccessfully so far. Sigh.) We also talked about having a two hour appointment after the start of the new year that will be a goal setting session for the year. Sort of takes the place of new years resolutions I guess (which I'm not really into anyway so no biggie there.) She helps you identify your goals for the year and break them down and come up with an action plan. So I am pretty excited about that! That's going to be January 8th.
It's been busy with the holidays, and in just a few short days I will have company for a week. I am just doing my best to stick with all of my goals. I've been doing phenomenally with keeping my schedule, doing my school work and house work, procrastinating less in general. Exercise has been a problem because of this enduring hip pain. I'm definitely going to get a good massage this week and if it still doesn't get better I might try a chriopractor and/or go see a doctor. I don't know why it is SO BAD but it is affecting me 24/7 and I don't like it :( Amazingly enough my feet haven't been hurting as much. Not sure if that's true or if the hip pain is just detracting from it and hogging the attention lol.
Even sleeping at night has been uncomfortable for about two weeks now :( I really think what set it off was a skiing game I was doing for exercise on the wii. But I stopped exercising, and it hasn't healed. :(
Walking I can handle but it's been cold and snowy here. I think this week I need to go to the gym and walk around the track perhaps!!
That's about all from me for right now, will try to update again after Wednesday's phone session! Happy holidays!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
5th Appointment
OK so I'm getting to this a little sooner this time!! Yay! My appointment on Friday went pretty well. At this appointment we delved a little bit more into my food journal. At this point she wants me to take it even further into not just what I am eating but how I feel before, after, how foods affect me, what fills me more, what leaves me hungry sooner, how it may alter my mood, and reasons why I might eat. Up to this point I've really only manage to make a note if I felt overly full or if I ate emotionally.
I have to say this is hard for me! I sit there like... um... I don't know... I have no idea what to write. So, I'm trying. I guess I am pretty out of touch with this stuff, but that's the whole point right, to get more in tune with my body's true needs. It's just hard trying to think of something to say about every food choice. But I am working on it.
Here is my day yesterday as an example.
11:15am
Two eggs scrambled with ham, cheese and onions
3 strips bacon
Water, small cup apple juice
Before breakfast I felt hungry, but not starving... I wanted to have some bacon because it's been a while... and wanted to eat the same sort of high protein breakfast that worked for me last time. When we normally make Sunday breakfast I would have had two eggs over easy on two pieces of toast along with the bacon and potatoes. I experimented by eliminating those carbs from the breakfast. I also decided to have 3 strips of bacon and we only cooked what we decided to eat. Normally we just make half the package and I might eat 4-5 strips of bacon. I don't need that many to be satisfied.
After breakfast I felt extremely satisfied. I could not tell right away if I was full, but about an hour later I could feel it. I was not overstuffed but maybe slightly more full than comfortable. It's so hard to tell when I don't feel it for that length of time.
2:00pm Starbucks- Grande peppermint mocha frappucino
My decision to get Starbucks was half due to desire and half due to the headache I was sporting, and knowing how much it would help. I think getting a grande was a mistake because I had a very upset stomach after I finished it. It wasn't because of fullness but maybe just too much coffee, or too much sugar? I'm not sure. Will stick to talls (smalls) from now on, unless it's iced tea.
I definitely enjoyed my drink, took my time with it and appreciated it... very delicious.
6:00pm - TGI Friday's
1/2 fried green beans appetizer
grilled chicken breast and shrimp (5 shrimp, small)
mashed potatoes
part of an ice cream/cookie dessert
berry mojito (probably 20 oz)
2 waters
Before dinner I was very hungry and I should have had a snack but I knew we were meeting our friends for dinner so I waited. However I feel like I did great with dinner. They had the three-for-all where you get appetizer, entree, dessert for 12.99 ... In the past we would both order that but this time only he did and we split the appetizer and dessert, so I had about half his appetizer, my own entree, and less than half of the dessert when I got full. I also had an alcoholic drink which is pretty rare for me, but since our friends did I went ahead and did too and I really enjoyed the one I ordered. It made me tired after which it usually does so I wish I hadn't drank it, but I did enjoy it. I stopped when I was full, despite how tasty the dessert was... and I felt very satisfied by the meal and glad that I wasn't overstuffed.
11:00pm
crackers and dip
ginger ale
We had gone to a movie after dinner and by the time we got home I felt hungry again. The dip is something left over from a Christmas party on friday and I don't know what it is exactly but it's a thick hearty dip that's really good. I had a couple tablespoons of it on some crackers. It satisfied my hunger really well. I stayed up another couple of hours before I went to bed .
I emailed this to Dr. Kate this morning to see if I was doing what she thought I should be doing... I feel like I am grasping at straws when I'm trying to figure out what to put down. This was her response:
I have to say this is hard for me! I sit there like... um... I don't know... I have no idea what to write. So, I'm trying. I guess I am pretty out of touch with this stuff, but that's the whole point right, to get more in tune with my body's true needs. It's just hard trying to think of something to say about every food choice. But I am working on it.
Here is my day yesterday as an example.
11:15am
Two eggs scrambled with ham, cheese and onions
3 strips bacon
Water, small cup apple juice
Before breakfast I felt hungry, but not starving... I wanted to have some bacon because it's been a while... and wanted to eat the same sort of high protein breakfast that worked for me last time. When we normally make Sunday breakfast I would have had two eggs over easy on two pieces of toast along with the bacon and potatoes. I experimented by eliminating those carbs from the breakfast. I also decided to have 3 strips of bacon and we only cooked what we decided to eat. Normally we just make half the package and I might eat 4-5 strips of bacon. I don't need that many to be satisfied.
After breakfast I felt extremely satisfied. I could not tell right away if I was full, but about an hour later I could feel it. I was not overstuffed but maybe slightly more full than comfortable. It's so hard to tell when I don't feel it for that length of time.
2:00pm Starbucks- Grande peppermint mocha frappucino
My decision to get Starbucks was half due to desire and half due to the headache I was sporting, and knowing how much it would help. I think getting a grande was a mistake because I had a very upset stomach after I finished it. It wasn't because of fullness but maybe just too much coffee, or too much sugar? I'm not sure. Will stick to talls (smalls) from now on, unless it's iced tea.
I definitely enjoyed my drink, took my time with it and appreciated it... very delicious.
6:00pm - TGI Friday's
1/2 fried green beans appetizer
grilled chicken breast and shrimp (5 shrimp, small)
mashed potatoes
part of an ice cream/cookie dessert
berry mojito (probably 20 oz)
2 waters
Before dinner I was very hungry and I should have had a snack but I knew we were meeting our friends for dinner so I waited. However I feel like I did great with dinner. They had the three-for-all where you get appetizer, entree, dessert for 12.99 ... In the past we would both order that but this time only he did and we split the appetizer and dessert, so I had about half his appetizer, my own entree, and less than half of the dessert when I got full. I also had an alcoholic drink which is pretty rare for me, but since our friends did I went ahead and did too and I really enjoyed the one I ordered. It made me tired after which it usually does so I wish I hadn't drank it, but I did enjoy it. I stopped when I was full, despite how tasty the dessert was... and I felt very satisfied by the meal and glad that I wasn't overstuffed.
11:00pm
crackers and dip
ginger ale
We had gone to a movie after dinner and by the time we got home I felt hungry again. The dip is something left over from a Christmas party on friday and I don't know what it is exactly but it's a thick hearty dip that's really good. I had a couple tablespoons of it on some crackers. It satisfied my hunger really well. I stayed up another couple of hours before I went to bed .
I emailed this to Dr. Kate this morning to see if I was doing what she thought I should be doing... I feel like I am grasping at straws when I'm trying to figure out what to put down. This was her response:
Hi Christie!
The question is, is your food journal giving you insights about how food is making you feel? Are you learning more about the type and amount of food that makes you feel your best? Are you discovering the reasons why you eat? Are you starting to make "healthier choices"? It seems that way to me:-) I'd suggest that you keep this up the rest of the week, and I look forward to talking with you Thursday morning about it!
The question is, is your food journal giving you insights about how food is making you feel? Are you learning more about the type and amount of food that makes you feel your best? Are you discovering the reasons why you eat? Are you starting to make "healthier choices"? It seems that way to me:-) I'd suggest that you keep this up the rest of the week, and I look forward to talking with you Thursday morning about it!
Dr. Kate
That made me feel a bit better that I guess I AM "getting it". I just didn't want to be missing the point and not doing what would help me. So I will just keep at it and see what happens.
In this last session we talked more about nutritional choices and how they affect the body. While by no means does she expect me to eliminate carbs, after all she is against diets and wants me to eat what I truly want. However I am supposed to be noticing how foods affect me and I have noticed something major when it comes to carbs.
A couple of days last week I had a breakfast that was high in protein, and had a good amount of fat also... and much lower in carbs. This was an omlette with cheese, ham, and onions, with some vegetarian sausage patties made mostly from soy product.
It kept me full for an extremely long time for me, about 7 hours, which is unheard of. I tend to be hungry every 2-3 hours. I "could have eaten" sooner than that but didn't feel hungry enough to need to.
This is a stark contrast to when we typically do our weekend breakfast with eggs, bacon, toast and potatoes, which adds up to a bigger plate of food but doesn't keep me full usually any more than 3 hours.
On Sunday we made breakfast and this time it included bacon (yummm) but I told Ian I didn't want any toast or potatoes. So I made my eggs with the ham, cheese, and onion, and had 3 strips of bacon. Dinner was 7 hours later, with only a coffee drink in between.
Now I'm not saying it is my goal to go 7 hours between meals. I know eating frequently is a good thing... but not when you are eating good sized meals frequently! They need to be smaller.
We talked a lot about how the body uses carbs versus how it uses proteins. I told her I've always known protein kept me more full and satisfied but it didn't seem to always work. Here's what I found out - fat is the key to that. High protein, low carb, with FATS... keeps me full... but high protein, low carb, low fat does NOT. She said eating the fats with the protein, it is much more likely my body will use the fat instead of storing it, whereas with carbs, the fat gets stored quickly, and it also triggers you to want to eat more.
I have to say I found that this is true. When I snack on crackers, pretzels, chips, I just want to keep eating forever. If I snack with more protein, I get a lot more satisfaction.
I am not sure how I will apply all of this without it being a diet plan. I guess it is just a matter of working toward that intuitive state. Making the choice because it will satisfy me on a deeper level. So while I may think "i want chips, that will make me happy, and that's ok so I'll eat chips"... that's not the same true satisfaction as "that high protein option felt so satisfying, and I'm truly full now." So it's just a matter of working toward that.
This is going to take some time. Oh yes...
With the holidays this week and my dear friend Raina AKA Marshy visiting from New Zealand next week, we have broken down our next therapy appointment into two half-hour phone sessions. One will be this Thursday morning (Christmas Eve), and one the following week on the 30th (as Raina arrives the 31st.)
Will do my best to update right away next time!! Eventually I will start posting in between therapy sessions also... I'm working at trying to be more proactive about this!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Therapy Update Week Four
Hey all! So I always intend to update right after my appointment, but somehow I always find myself almost to the next one before I get around to it. Oops!
Last week's appointment went pretty well... but I have to say my emotions were ALL over the place!!
First the good stuff.... which is, I made a LOT of improvement that she congratulated me for. The entire week I stuck to my schedule with school work, exercise, etc... kept my food journal... everything went really well.
There was even one day where I had some obstacles to overcome and I managed to do so.
It was Thursday of last week. It was around 8:30am and I was on my computer, having my hour of computer time before starting school work... and I got this email from my mom that needed to be addressed, so I called her to talk...the call ended up lasting OVER two and a half hours!!! It was good and we worked through some stuff, but when it was done I was starving... cranky... exhausted... drained... had a headache. Generally feeling very blah.
On top of that, my left hip was hurting. (It's been hurting a lot since I started exercising again. I think it has to do with my back and it's lack of strength.) It was hurting especially bad.
So I was sitting there feeling like I already KNEW what my day was going to be like... I'd eat lunch, start watching TV, want to stay lazy since I was feeling so drained, and I would end up not accomplishing anything.
I decided to let myself rest, guilt free, for a couple of hours and then try to get back on track. Deep down though I figured I would end up not doing anything.
Surprisingly, a couple hours later I felt refreshed and ready to tackle my school work. I did so well that not only did I accomplish THAT day's work, but the whole next day's work too! I finished my two classes and took both finals!!! I was totally caught up and feeling great. I decided to skip the workout because of how much my hip hurt, and I didn't regret it one bit. I felt it was the right choice not to push it. I ended my day feeling very accomplished.
The next day was my therapy and I was thrilled to report to her that I didn't even have school work that day, because I had finished it all a day early. She seemed proud of my accomplishments and I was feeling pretty good.
Let's see.... as for this week so far, it is going pretty well. I've had a couple of workouts with the Wii fit.... but the hip pain is really a hinderance right now. It is even hurting me when I'm sleeping at night. I hope my back isn't getting worse again because the last time I was having hip pain, that was the reason. If it doesn't let up after I've been more active a few more weeks, I guess it will be time to see the doc again and possibly do some more physical therapy. I just hope not because my current insurance won't cover nearly as much as my old insurance did.
Monday was another very atypical day for me where I still managed to get things done. Ian stayed home from work which totally threw me off, because I ended up sleeping in with him 2 hours late. Also, my new computer arrived finally!!! And we set it all up. AND I had lunch plans with my sister in law.
Unbelievably... I managed a workout before lunch... and got straight to my school work when I got home, and got my two lessons done.
I guess this schedule thing is really starting to stick. It's starting to feel like my day isn't going right if I don't get these things done... and that's great. It means I don't always have to stick to the exact order of things because I will learn to work around things and make sure I get everything done.
On the flip side of that, I can also take my own mental health day sometimes :-D And that is exactly what I did yesterday! I just said, today is for me... and I spent the day updating pics, blogging, setting more things up with my new computer... just had a really fun and relaxing day overall.
Today I'm right back in the saddle.... I have a HUGE to-do list and just crossing things off one by one. I did my school work, got our Christmas cards ready (just have to sent them to Costco's print center), addressed all the envelopes... and got this monstrous blog entry done!!! :) Whew. I still have much more to do today including a workout, grocery shopping, wrapping some presents, etc. But I am doing GREAT!
Last week's appointment went pretty well... but I have to say my emotions were ALL over the place!!
First the good stuff.... which is, I made a LOT of improvement that she congratulated me for. The entire week I stuck to my schedule with school work, exercise, etc... kept my food journal... everything went really well.
There was even one day where I had some obstacles to overcome and I managed to do so.
It was Thursday of last week. It was around 8:30am and I was on my computer, having my hour of computer time before starting school work... and I got this email from my mom that needed to be addressed, so I called her to talk...the call ended up lasting OVER two and a half hours!!! It was good and we worked through some stuff, but when it was done I was starving... cranky... exhausted... drained... had a headache. Generally feeling very blah.
On top of that, my left hip was hurting. (It's been hurting a lot since I started exercising again. I think it has to do with my back and it's lack of strength.) It was hurting especially bad.
So I was sitting there feeling like I already KNEW what my day was going to be like... I'd eat lunch, start watching TV, want to stay lazy since I was feeling so drained, and I would end up not accomplishing anything.
I decided to let myself rest, guilt free, for a couple of hours and then try to get back on track. Deep down though I figured I would end up not doing anything.
Surprisingly, a couple hours later I felt refreshed and ready to tackle my school work. I did so well that not only did I accomplish THAT day's work, but the whole next day's work too! I finished my two classes and took both finals!!! I was totally caught up and feeling great. I decided to skip the workout because of how much my hip hurt, and I didn't regret it one bit. I felt it was the right choice not to push it. I ended my day feeling very accomplished.
The next day was my therapy and I was thrilled to report to her that I didn't even have school work that day, because I had finished it all a day early. She seemed proud of my accomplishments and I was feeling pretty good.
Let's see.... as for this week so far, it is going pretty well. I've had a couple of workouts with the Wii fit.... but the hip pain is really a hinderance right now. It is even hurting me when I'm sleeping at night. I hope my back isn't getting worse again because the last time I was having hip pain, that was the reason. If it doesn't let up after I've been more active a few more weeks, I guess it will be time to see the doc again and possibly do some more physical therapy. I just hope not because my current insurance won't cover nearly as much as my old insurance did.
Monday was another very atypical day for me where I still managed to get things done. Ian stayed home from work which totally threw me off, because I ended up sleeping in with him 2 hours late. Also, my new computer arrived finally!!! And we set it all up. AND I had lunch plans with my sister in law.
Unbelievably... I managed a workout before lunch... and got straight to my school work when I got home, and got my two lessons done.
I guess this schedule thing is really starting to stick. It's starting to feel like my day isn't going right if I don't get these things done... and that's great. It means I don't always have to stick to the exact order of things because I will learn to work around things and make sure I get everything done.
On the flip side of that, I can also take my own mental health day sometimes :-D And that is exactly what I did yesterday! I just said, today is for me... and I spent the day updating pics, blogging, setting more things up with my new computer... just had a really fun and relaxing day overall.
Today I'm right back in the saddle.... I have a HUGE to-do list and just crossing things off one by one. I did my school work, got our Christmas cards ready (just have to sent them to Costco's print center), addressed all the envelopes... and got this monstrous blog entry done!!! :) Whew. I still have much more to do today including a workout, grocery shopping, wrapping some presents, etc. But I am doing GREAT!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
3rd Week in Therapy
So I have been in therapy for two and a half weeks now. So far so good!! Last week didn't go very well for me. I kept up with my food journal, and worked on some of the self care items, including getting a pedicure and looking up church services where I could go and sing (although I haven't tried going yet. I am really hoping to find a weeknight service instead of Sunday, but no luck yet.)
However, when it came to exercise, I didn't get any. Since I sprained my ankle Monday, the next few days it was too sore for me to work out. By the time it got better, my therapy week was over.
Also, when it came to school work and recreation time - the whole "organizing my time" assignment, I really didn't do well.
My appointment was changed back to Friday and I requested that it be a phone appointment... see, I was ready to get back on track and I needed to do a marathon homework day on Friday to help me catch up. I needed to do SIX school lessons, which is a week and a half of work, in one day. I knew if I spent 3 hours going to therapy, the odds would be I couldn't get that accomplished. She agreed so we did my one hour appointment over the phone which left me the rest of the day.
I'm happy to say I DID get my six lessons done on Friday!!! It basically took me the entire day other than meals and my phone appointment. Which unfortunately - again - left no workout time and I was exhausted after. But I felt great because I accomplished my goal, plus quite a few things around the house that I needed to do like dishes, laundry, and making dinner!
THE APPOINTMENT:
So here is what we discussed on Friday. I basically had to tell her that I didn't accomplish any of the assignments she had given me... other than getting a pedicure. I felt pretty bad... I felt like I "wasted" my week. She was so great though... she assured me that a resistance to change is normal, and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.... and that I had already taken a big step to get back on track by making the most of Friday.
She strikes a great balance because while she did ease my guilt over last week, she was also very firm in telling me that I need to take responsibility for my actions this week and truly commit to trying the things we have talked about.
She said I am stuck in a cycle, much like a mouse on a wheel. I go through feeling lazy and unaccomplished and wanting to get better at how I use my time and accomplishing my goals... and then I go to the extreme and sort of wear myself out, then I get back to being lazy and over and over again I go through this same cycle. I need to have a schedule and learn to stick to it. Much like almost everything else "intuitive" (eating, self-care, etc) I need to start out by paying a lot of attention to this and commiting to stick with it, but in the future I can be much more flexible with it and I won't have to think about it nearly as much.
She wants me to commit to our time schedule plan for three weeks without straying from it, because that is supposedly the length of time it takes to create a habit. Three weeks seems like suuuuch a long time to me right now, but hey, I have two very successful days under my belt so I guess I am on my way.
The basic schedule I am following right now is spending my first hour awake doing the things I enjoy and like to start my day with... this is writing snail mail to my friends back home, checking emails, checking in on facebook, and looking at photos on Flickr. I am to limit this to 30-60 minutes.
Then I grab my breakfast, bring it up to my desk and start working on school work. Once I am caught up this will only be 1-2 hours per day, but right now it is much more since I'm behind. My current classes end this coming Friday, so after that I am starting fresh and won't be behind anymore as long as I stay on schedule.
After my classwork is complete I can choose to either have some recreation time (tv,internet,etc) while I eat lunch and for a couple hours after.... then do my workout. Or, reverse that... do my workout, then eat lunch and have recreation time.
This recreation time is my "unstructured" recreation time... tv/internet mindlessness stuff. The other thing I need to work in is spending time with 'productive' recreation time - working on my hobbies like digital scrapbooking and photography... and of course, blogging! I have a tendency to just stick with the mindlessness activities because I just get lazy. Laziness is my BIGGEST problem and it affects everything... so this is something I am working on. I need to spend more time on my hobbies. I enjoy them, so why don't I spend time on them??? No reason except for laziness.
I am also working on dedicating time each day to regular chores like dishes, laundry, cleaning and straightening, etc... as well as crossing miscellaneous items off my to do list.
Right now the only part we have "scheduled" is the hour of recreation time in the morning, followed by school work, followed by a workout. The rest I am just doing my best to start incorporating also, as part of working on my self-care.
THIS WEEK SO FAR:
The weekend is less structured since I do school during the week like a regular work week. But this weekend I managed to do several productive things like laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking meals, so I feel really good about that.
Yesterday (Monday) was my first "scheduled" day and I think I did really well.
After my hour of 'fun' in the morning, I got straight to work and stayed focused. I managed to have three school lessons completed by lunch time.
I had my lunch and watched my shows from sunday night, trying to let my food settle. Unfortunately by the time my food settled I felt really tired so I took a nap, and when I got up I had no desire to work out. But I managed to make several phone calls I'd been putting off, and get most of the work done on our calendars for Christmas, so it was definitely a successful day.
Today (Tuesday) was even better - even though I woke up with a MIGRAINE! UGH! I felt so so so crappy. So I got up slowly, took a long hot shower, and had breakfast with a big dose of Excedrin. Then I spent my recreational hour, and by the time I was done with that my head felt much better. It took me longer than usual, but I managed to still get all three school lessons completed! I took a break in the middle for lunch with Ian (he works from home on Tuesdays.)
I wasn't finished with school until about 3pm... but I did it. My stomach didn't feel settled yet, so I finished up our calendars... and at 4pm I did my 30 minute workout! I am stunned I managed to do a workout on a day I woke up with a migraine.
And now I'm blogging... and when I'm done, I'm going to catch up on my photos. All in all a 100% successful day. I have also had a great eating day :)
I may have lost some time but I feel like I am making a lot of progress right now. All in all great feelings. I'm going to keep working on making each day a great on-schedule day and my next appointment is this Friday at 12 :) Hopefully this weekend I will be able to blog again... and next week I will be feeling free because I will have finished the two classes that I got so behind on, and I will be in two new classes. They actually start tomorrow but I won't be starting them til Monday since I am already behind. But next week's workload will be quite a bit lighter. :)
I just love Dr. Kate. She is really supportive and I feel like she REALLY understands me and addresses my problems the right way. She knows I need constructive criticism instead of tough love... she frees me from guilt yet is firm about my taking responsibility for my actions. She is treating me as a whole, instead of just trying ti 'fix' one part of me. This may take a while, but I have NEVER felt so positive about improving my life!
However, when it came to exercise, I didn't get any. Since I sprained my ankle Monday, the next few days it was too sore for me to work out. By the time it got better, my therapy week was over.
Also, when it came to school work and recreation time - the whole "organizing my time" assignment, I really didn't do well.
My appointment was changed back to Friday and I requested that it be a phone appointment... see, I was ready to get back on track and I needed to do a marathon homework day on Friday to help me catch up. I needed to do SIX school lessons, which is a week and a half of work, in one day. I knew if I spent 3 hours going to therapy, the odds would be I couldn't get that accomplished. She agreed so we did my one hour appointment over the phone which left me the rest of the day.
I'm happy to say I DID get my six lessons done on Friday!!! It basically took me the entire day other than meals and my phone appointment. Which unfortunately - again - left no workout time and I was exhausted after. But I felt great because I accomplished my goal, plus quite a few things around the house that I needed to do like dishes, laundry, and making dinner!
THE APPOINTMENT:
So here is what we discussed on Friday. I basically had to tell her that I didn't accomplish any of the assignments she had given me... other than getting a pedicure. I felt pretty bad... I felt like I "wasted" my week. She was so great though... she assured me that a resistance to change is normal, and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.... and that I had already taken a big step to get back on track by making the most of Friday.
She strikes a great balance because while she did ease my guilt over last week, she was also very firm in telling me that I need to take responsibility for my actions this week and truly commit to trying the things we have talked about.
She said I am stuck in a cycle, much like a mouse on a wheel. I go through feeling lazy and unaccomplished and wanting to get better at how I use my time and accomplishing my goals... and then I go to the extreme and sort of wear myself out, then I get back to being lazy and over and over again I go through this same cycle. I need to have a schedule and learn to stick to it. Much like almost everything else "intuitive" (eating, self-care, etc) I need to start out by paying a lot of attention to this and commiting to stick with it, but in the future I can be much more flexible with it and I won't have to think about it nearly as much.
She wants me to commit to our time schedule plan for three weeks without straying from it, because that is supposedly the length of time it takes to create a habit. Three weeks seems like suuuuch a long time to me right now, but hey, I have two very successful days under my belt so I guess I am on my way.
The basic schedule I am following right now is spending my first hour awake doing the things I enjoy and like to start my day with... this is writing snail mail to my friends back home, checking emails, checking in on facebook, and looking at photos on Flickr. I am to limit this to 30-60 minutes.
Then I grab my breakfast, bring it up to my desk and start working on school work. Once I am caught up this will only be 1-2 hours per day, but right now it is much more since I'm behind. My current classes end this coming Friday, so after that I am starting fresh and won't be behind anymore as long as I stay on schedule.
After my classwork is complete I can choose to either have some recreation time (tv,internet,etc) while I eat lunch and for a couple hours after.... then do my workout. Or, reverse that... do my workout, then eat lunch and have recreation time.
This recreation time is my "unstructured" recreation time... tv/internet mindlessness stuff. The other thing I need to work in is spending time with 'productive' recreation time - working on my hobbies like digital scrapbooking and photography... and of course, blogging! I have a tendency to just stick with the mindlessness activities because I just get lazy. Laziness is my BIGGEST problem and it affects everything... so this is something I am working on. I need to spend more time on my hobbies. I enjoy them, so why don't I spend time on them??? No reason except for laziness.
I am also working on dedicating time each day to regular chores like dishes, laundry, cleaning and straightening, etc... as well as crossing miscellaneous items off my to do list.
Right now the only part we have "scheduled" is the hour of recreation time in the morning, followed by school work, followed by a workout. The rest I am just doing my best to start incorporating also, as part of working on my self-care.
THIS WEEK SO FAR:
The weekend is less structured since I do school during the week like a regular work week. But this weekend I managed to do several productive things like laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking meals, so I feel really good about that.
Yesterday (Monday) was my first "scheduled" day and I think I did really well.
After my hour of 'fun' in the morning, I got straight to work and stayed focused. I managed to have three school lessons completed by lunch time.
I had my lunch and watched my shows from sunday night, trying to let my food settle. Unfortunately by the time my food settled I felt really tired so I took a nap, and when I got up I had no desire to work out. But I managed to make several phone calls I'd been putting off, and get most of the work done on our calendars for Christmas, so it was definitely a successful day.
Today (Tuesday) was even better - even though I woke up with a MIGRAINE! UGH! I felt so so so crappy. So I got up slowly, took a long hot shower, and had breakfast with a big dose of Excedrin. Then I spent my recreational hour, and by the time I was done with that my head felt much better. It took me longer than usual, but I managed to still get all three school lessons completed! I took a break in the middle for lunch with Ian (he works from home on Tuesdays.)
I wasn't finished with school until about 3pm... but I did it. My stomach didn't feel settled yet, so I finished up our calendars... and at 4pm I did my 30 minute workout! I am stunned I managed to do a workout on a day I woke up with a migraine.
And now I'm blogging... and when I'm done, I'm going to catch up on my photos. All in all a 100% successful day. I have also had a great eating day :)
I may have lost some time but I feel like I am making a lot of progress right now. All in all great feelings. I'm going to keep working on making each day a great on-schedule day and my next appointment is this Friday at 12 :) Hopefully this weekend I will be able to blog again... and next week I will be feeling free because I will have finished the two classes that I got so behind on, and I will be in two new classes. They actually start tomorrow but I won't be starting them til Monday since I am already behind. But next week's workload will be quite a bit lighter. :)
I just love Dr. Kate. She is really supportive and I feel like she REALLY understands me and addresses my problems the right way. She knows I need constructive criticism instead of tough love... she frees me from guilt yet is firm about my taking responsibility for my actions. She is treating me as a whole, instead of just trying ti 'fix' one part of me. This may take a while, but I have NEVER felt so positive about improving my life!
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