Im Back & I'm in Wieght Loss Blogging Mode!

Hello friends! I'm officially back to blogging. It will be consistent this time. I don't know how/when/if I will catch up on everything that has gone on... but I would like to. However this post is about weight loss (and a lot of my posts coming up soon will be too.)

There's a lot to cover. But this is where I need to start:

My current weight: 216 lbs.

:(

My lowest weight was 198 which I reached in June 2011. I went up to 201-203 range shortly after and stayed there for quite some time, even through my mom's death in August and the busy busy times right after that in Sept/Oct of buying the vacation home and renovating it.

Even after my trip to Hawaii, I was "only" 206 which I thought wasn't too bad for vacation.

SOMEHOW, since then (mid November), I've gained 10 more lbs. WHAT?

I know generally how it has happened.

Bad habits creeped back in. I got more and more lax about allowing splurges more and more often. We ate out a LOT in Nov/Dec/Jan because of moving and being busy, not being settled in at dad's yet. I got to where I was having Starbucks DAILY, and sometimes 2-3 times a day if I hung out there for long periods of time.

I also wasn't exercising regularly... and that is true for the last like, 6 months, since my mom passed away. At first it was because her hospital stay, her death and then all the family around afterward, interrupted my routine. Then, we bought the house and renovated it. I was going back and forth to Estes Park (1.5 hour drive) several times per week, spending tons of time there etc. I was eating out almost all the time... but my level of physical labor was so high, that I maintained my weight pretty decently. Once the house was done.... i was "used" to not really making an effort to exercise.... but I wasn't getting that physical labor anymore. So that combined with the poor eating habits I developed made my weight go up a lot.

I started to notice my clothes getting tight. I had to stop wearing my 14 jeans and put my 16's back on. Still in same shirts but they are tighter. So I weighed.

Once I saw my weight was 215 at the end of January, I knew I needed to start making changes and get back to basics and good sense.

For the whole month of February, I exercised 3-5 days per week... I started cooking dinner at home almost every night.... I cut my Starbucks down to 2 per week instead of daily (or more!).... I drank more water... I cut down junky snacks and desserts and the stuff I just don't need to be eating.

After a whole month of this.... I gained a pound. :(

This was discouraging. I mean I was trying and I made a LOT of changes. I don't get it. Yeah building muscle, yeah it takes time to see change, I know. Blah blah blah. But after a month, I should see SOME sort of change if it's working. So... it's not.

Then I freaked out a little. I mean... I have had surgery... but this isn't that much of a help anymore. Yes it helps in the fact I still can only eat about 1/2 the quantity I could before surgery. Which should make following a diet plan much easier than it used to be. BUT... I'm just like anybody else now... and if I don't pay attention, obviously I can eat enough calories in a day to gain weight.

I started thinking... okay, I need to get more serious again. Track my food and workouts. Weight Watchers? Spark People? SOMETHING. Then I started to immediately feel stressed out.

I feel like I have PTSD when it comes to dieting. PTDD maybe... Post Traumatic Dieting Disorder. LOL... the thought of tracking my food and writing it down and staying within a calorie/points range just makes me feel stressed and trapped. And usually as soon as I try this, I start to feel that way and then I want to just eat EVERYTHING. It's usually counter productive. Which is why last time I thought about doing this (tracking) I ended up stopping because it was making me worse.

So this time I tried the common sense approach... eat better... move more... but obviously it hasn't been enough!!! So I just have to accept that AT LEAST FOR NOW, I need to track in order to make progress.

I have decided to commit myself to tracking 100% faithfully for 30 DAYS. I am hoping that by making it a short term commitment, I can quell some of those stressed out feelings because I know I have an "out" coming. At the end of 30 days, I can reevaluate. I may choose to go for another 30 days, or I may feel it has helped me refocus on proper habits and that I don't HAVE to count every day. Or I may decide to keep tracking until I get back to my low of 198, or until I get to 180 (my current goal). Right now it's wide open... but I will be dilligent for these 30 days and see what comes of it.

I've decided to use MyFitnessPal... mostly because a friend is using it and we can support each other. I used it today, however, I had eaten my first two meals of the day before I decided to do this... so they were higher calorie. I guess that's proof I need this LOL.

Some likes about MyFitnessPal so far:

- I can edit it online, from my iphone app OR from my ipad app. Versitile.
- It's easy to add my own foods and exercises.
- I was allowed to modify the meals and also rename them. So I have my 6 meals a day (labeled meal 1 through meal 6) instead of being limited to 3 meals, 2 snacks, or whatever.
- They've made it somewhat social. It makes a 'status update' kind of thing when you exercise and when you complete your food/exercise diary for the day. Your friends on there can comment on these. Nice motivation.
- When you complete your food/exercise diary for the day it tells you "if every day were like this, you'd weigh xxx Lbs in 5 weeks. LOVE this! Really motivating. On a good day it makes you feel like you have reason to keep going... and I'm sure on a bad day it's a good reminder. I'd imagine if I went way over my cals and it told me if I did that every day, I'd gain 10 lbs in 5 weeks, well that would be a VERY good reminder. lol


So... here is the MyFitnessPal stats that it came up with for me.

I entered that I currently weigh 216 lbs and my goal weight is 180 lbs, and I would like to lose at a rate of 2 lbs per week. I put sedentary lifestyle because the next one up says you are on your feet most of the day at work.... which I'm not. So it says in order to lose at the 2lb per week rate, I need to be at 1,200 cals per day.

Today I ate 1,351 cals (mostly because as I mentioned, I wasn't thinking about this when I had my first two meals today).... however I also worked out twice and burned 536 cals... so my net cals for today is 815.

My workouts today were - 30 mins Curves circuit (burned 240 cals), 49 min walk (burned 296 cals) for a total of 536 cals burned.

This will be an experiment. A good friend of mine who also has the sleeve says she has to stay at 800 cals per day to lose weight. I wonder if this will be the case for me. And I wonder if NET 815 will work? We will just have to see how this month goes and I may try tweaking things if it doesn't go well.

MyFitnessPal said to me at the end of my day today:

"If every day were like today, you would weigh 202.8 lbs in 5 weeks"

EDITED TO ADD: TODAY'S FOOD DIARY LINK
TODAY'S EXERCISE DIARY LINK

Wouldn't that be something??? After months and months of not losing anything, the idea of being able to lose over 13 lbs in 5 weeks sure is appealing. But we will see if it turns out to be true or not!!!!

Hope you guys will stick with me. I will try to update every day about my food end exercise tracking. I will also work on updating other regular life stuff that has occured over the time I've been away.

XOXO

EDITED TO NOTE: Hi guys, so I think it just needs to be said... this isn't supposed to be negative against myself or beating myself up! But at the same time if I keep letting myself make excuses I could be 310 lbs again. Just trying to face the music and move forward with positive goals.. please don't think I hate myself or I'm soooo mad at myself for being 216. I'm just realizing I need to pay attention and work hard to be where I would like to be and take care of myself :)

Dear Mom

(I thought I should share this here. I wrote this before her funeral and it went into the pamphlets that were handed out before the service.)

Dear Mom,

It is so hard to believe you're gone. Your presence remains so strong and I think that's because you made such a lasting impression on every person who knew you. If someone knew you for a few minutes, they were already a friend. If someone knew you a little longer, they quickly became family. You didn't just touch lives… you held them until you found a way to make them better.

The love and support you have shown me are so beyond measure that most people have never experienced an unconditional love like yours. People just don't know what it's like to have someone see the best in them immediately - and always. But I do, because you have always seen me in that light. I have been lucky enough to know this love my entire life and watch joyfully as you spread that love to anyone I welcomed into my life. It's amazing to watch what happens when someone who has never been loved that way gets the chance to experience it with you.

You are the epitome of love. You defined it, as it defined you. Our dreams became your dreams. With you, no dream was ever too big…and no achievement was ever small. You believed in us enough to convince us to believe also. Selfish was not in your dictionary… your concerns were always for everyone else's happiness. You were absolutely devoted to us all and selfless almost to a fault. I am glad you pursued this surgery in hopes of a better life. It may be the only thing you ever did for yourself. We support your choice and accept the outcome because we know you just couldn't handle the pain another day and needed to take this chance at a future.

There are simply not enough words to express how much I love you and how much I will miss you. The loss is indescribable. However, I will find peace because I know your suffering has ended. All the pain you have dealt with for 30 years, the worst of it unfortunately being at the very end… it is all gone now. Your body always held back your spirit, but now you are free…free to fly with the angels. I love you, Mom, forever and always.

Love,

Your Daughter, Christie

Sad

For those who don't yet know, my mom died unexpectedly on August 30th. It has really turned life upside down for me. I am starting to get back into the swing of things, spending time with friends and working on the new rental property in Estes Park...as well as Ian and I are moving in with my dad. We are keeping busy and there is lots going on... but I am just plain sad and really haven't felt like blogging. I will be back as soon as I'm feeling up to it.

Making Plans

OK... so I have still not been losing ANY weight at all. I have stayed exactly the same no matter what I do. I have been exercising daily, without fail, for over a month. I know that there is still room for improvement, though. I'm currently doing Curves 3X per week and an approximately 1.5 to 2 mile walk with hubby every single night. My plan is to add in a tougher cardio session on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and one weekend day whenever possible. I know that the bigger challenge has been the THINGS I am eating. Too many exceptions, too many treats, not enough planning in my meals. I have a few major goals right now. One is to go back to using my timers. Eat, set an hour timer to remind me to start drinking water, and set another timer so that I am eating 2.5-3 hours after my last meal (NOT 1.5 - 2 hours!). I need to train myself when to be hungry again.. I am hungry too soon. I also know if I eat the right dense proteins, I shouldn't get hungry so soon. My other major goal is meal planning. I am not good at trying to plan a whole day or whole week ahead of time, so right now I am going to make a goal that right after I eat (when I am totally not hungry and can be completely sensible), I will plan my next meal and prepare whatever i can for it. That way the decision is made AND the meal is ready to go before I get hungry again. I think I can make more sensible decisions this way. I really need to get back to being more strict about my choices, making better choices, whatever you want to call it. It's a little too soon for me to hit maintenance mode. While I really don't think I will be comfortable at 160lbs (I would have such a hard time getting there), right now I am really really focused on getting to 180 lbs and then being able to maintain there. I can always try to lose more if I want, but right now that is my goal. I think I will even change that on my ticker so that I can really focus on the goal. So... better food choices with timers and some meal planning... and entering the next phase of adding even more exercise. Let's see what happens over the next few weeks. I am also adjusting my ticker to reflect my current weight of 203 lbs. I bounced up to that over my period a while back, but it never went away afterward and I have been maintaining at 203 for quite a while no matter what I do!! SO my first mini goal is to lose 5 lbs and get back to the 198 I had gotten to before :)

Evening Walk

Went for a nice evening walk with the hubby tonight. This is the park where we have been walking most evenings. Usually we don't get around to it til 9 or 10pm but the past two days we've gone about 7:30-8pm and actually gotten to SEEEEEEEE the park! Haha. It's really pretty and it's nice seeing so many people enjoying themselves.

Today marks 3 weeks of exercising every day which is what our surgeon asked us to commit to. However, the point is to then CONTINUE it :) So shhhh, don't tell hubby it's been 21 days. He hasn't noticed. Whoo hoo!

On the downside, my weight is 202-203 depending on the day. I don't get it. I haven't lost anything at all with all the exercise and eating better. Hoping it's just a plateau I have to bust through, and hoping I am gaining muscle. I am also going to start having Shakeology shakes for breakfast & lunch for a week, then take it down to just breakfast after that. Hoping that helps me bust through this plateau and shake things up (ha!!) so my body will let things start moving again.

Exercise Streak

I know I haven't talked much lately about anything related to surgery, weight loss, exercise etc... but behind the scenes I promise you I am still hard at work :) We had an appt with our surgeon on the 19th and he challenged us to start doing some sort of exercise every single day, no matter what.... and we HAVE. 17 days in a row now! And we are really trying to make it a daily habit, every single day, no matter what. Once we get that down we'll start working more on WHAT the activity is, working harder, longer durations... but right now our focus is just "do something every day". Plus, I'm still doing Curves so some days (usually 3x per week) I am working out twice.

I have actually not weighed since that appointment, and at that time it had gone up due to period week... so I really have no idea where I'm at right now, but don't really care either. Exercising daily and just making better food choices, cooking more etc. Will try to get a weight this Monday morning or sometime this coming week! :)

A month?!

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I last blogged. My weight hasn't really changed, although it fluctuates. Mostly I just don't feel like discussing it anymore... I am just living life! I hope to lose more but I seem to be maintaining and I am okay with that. If and when it happens, yay :) I keep working on exercising as much as possible, but my back/hip pain is always an issue. I usually get my 3 days at Curves and one or two other workouts per week on top of that, but some weeks I only get Curves. My one year appt with my surgeon is coming up on Tuesday, so I'll try to report in on that... but mostly I think the purpose of this blog is changing. There is no day-to-day stuff to talk about in regards to my weight loss surgery anymore, so I just want to go back to talking about my regular life :) Maybe trying to post more regularly about daily life stuff like I was doing before.... but I think I am ready to shift my focus away from weight and back to my life, with of course mentioning when I hit a new milestone or maybe something comes to mind. Hope that's alright with everybody. I just want this to be my BLOG again!!! And not something I neglect so much :( So I will try to be back soon with an update of everything that has been going on lately, and I'll be starting to post a lot more random things from my daily life too.