Let's Talk About Being Happy

Hellooooo health bloggers. I know, it's been a very long time since I blogged about exercise, weight loss, health, etc. I'm finally feeling ready to start doing it again.

Now, I don't want you to get your hopes up :) I don't plan on "dieting" such as following weight watchers, using spark people, counting calories, etc. I won't be beating myself up when I eat a cheeseburger, or chastising myself for "missing" a workout. I won't be making charts and graphs (I don't think), weighing in weekly, or setting goals for pounds lost at specific times. There is NOTHING wrong with those things and if you do them, more power to you. I just know that for me, it doesn't work - can't work - long term and I need a new approach.

I am past all of that, and don't wish to ever do it again. I want to be an intuitive eater, and I want to be more fit and healthy. Here's the thing... Intuitive Eating is just like anything else - it's hard to adapt to, its easy to get lazy and ignore my health goals for myself. So somewhere I have to strike a balance between being a dieter and being a true Intuitive Eater. One is too strict and the other is not strict enough. This blog from this point forward will be about me trying to find that balance.

I will say this - I have given up on unrealistic goals. Not because I think I could never achieve them, but because I have found that it makes me unhappy trying to do so.

What I mean is this. I have been at this (trying to lose weight) on and off as long as I can remember. I've been a weight loss blogger for EIGHT. YEARS. I've gone up and down, up and down and now I feel like I have finally figured out what the problem is. The problem is my body has a natural weight it is comfortable at - that weight being about 250lbs.

Every time I've tried to lose weight, my body has gotten stuck around that weight. Then after continuing to do well, or trying to change things up to lose a little more, I get frustrated that the scale won't move and I "give up" and start eating whatever I want, and not exercising, because what's the point if I can't lose more? I have managed to get as low as 239, but I had to fight my way tooth and nail - and have a stomach flu - for it to happen. However in the 250-260 range, my body stays there pretty naturally. Even when I would start going off the deep end and stuffing my face, it would take a long time to gain if I was somewhere in the 250's.

So I have concluded something. I need to take my newfound attitude of being happy with myself, and apply it when I reach that weight range. I am pretty happy with myself now, weighing around 300. Something I never thought could be possible. Yet, I am uncomfortable physically. My clothes don't fit right even when they are big enough, and I just don't feel "good." So... some weight needs to come off. But this time, when I get to that magic range, I won't let ANYONE make me feel like I am still 100 lbs overweight. Though that may be true based on charts, for me I think its the right weight.

So can I just make this claim to all of you and let it settle in...... I CAN BE TRULY HAPPY AT 250LBS. I know there are many of you out there that weigh less than that - even under 200 - and aren't happy.... and how brazen you must think I am to make such a claim. But for me, it's true. We are all different and for me, that is my truth.

Let's take a second here and just LOOK at me weighing in the 250's. What did I look like? How did I feel? What did I do?

Does this girl look fat and unhappy?

Now a lot of people might say yes of course I still looked fat. And you are welcome to your opinion, I mean yes, I weighed around 250 lbs in these photos. But for me, it's a great time in my life when I felt good, felt like I looked good, found clothes easily, didn't have trouble doing active things, and I felt pretty "normal."

Nowadays, I am not feeling that way. I'm feeling uncomfortable and lazy. Let's compare to me right now.

I have grown a lot in these 50 lbs I have gained. What's funny is I feel better about myself now than I ever LET MYSELF FEEL when I weight 250. I vow never to do that again. I want to keep the good attitude I have now, but work toward feeling physically better, and being healthier. Never again will I be on a journey to lose 100-150 lbs. Now it's just 50. And I don't care how long it takes, either... I just want to be going in the right direction.

How I get there... that's going to be the next big blog post. Because I need to work on finding that balance between restriction, and free-for-all.

Right now I have less than a week until I move. I am going to be working on some better food choices this week, but probably not "working out." I'll be getting good activity preparing for the move. And a couple walks would be good for me too.

Anyway I would LOVE to go on and on, but I'll save more for the next post. Thank you to any of you who are still hanging out here with me :) I hope you can follow along with me as I take an unconventional approach to weight loss... one without time constraints, guilt, will power, and al the other things we are used to. I am excited about it, but it will also be a challenge. There are no rules for how to have no rules!!! :)

Hanging Lake HIke

Just completed a huge post about our weekend away and the hike we took... come check it out on our blog!!

Glenwood Springs & Hanging Lake Hike

And here is the entire photo album (although a lot of pics are in the blog post!)

Photo Album

I'm off to dinner and a movie with my mom and my aunt! :) We're going to Red Robin and to see "All About Steve."

Recipe: Crock Pot Potato Chowder

I made this potato chowder in the crock pot this week and it is just SO delicious, I had to share!! (The recipe, not my soup - get your own bowl!) :)
This is the second time we've made it, and it's just as good as I remembered.

30 min prep / 8-10 hours cook time
Serves 12

Ingredients:
8 cups diced potatoes
1/3 cup onion, chopped
3 (14.5 oz) cans chicken broth
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 (8 oz) package stick cream cheese, cubed
1/2 lb bacon, cooked and crumbled
Chives

1. Combine potatoes, onion, broth, and cream of chicken soup in crock pot.

2. Cover and cook on LOW 8-10 hours or until potatoes are tender.

3. Add cream cheese and blend.

4. Top with bacon and chives before serving.

My adjustments : I used green onions instead of chives, simply because I found them already chopped for cheaper than the whole chives. I also used about a cup of diced onion instead of just 1/3 cup, because I really love onion! I put some shredded cheese on top as well :)

NUTRITION INFO for 1 serving - recipe makes 12 servings: Calories - 271 Fat - 17.3 g Cholesterol - 35mg Sodium - 731 mg Potassium - 595 mg Carbohydrate - 20.8 g Dietary Fiber - 2.3 g Protein - 8.5 g For WW members - 6 POINTS (From how I'm understanding it, the nutrition info includes the bacon. So the only extra would be the shredded cheese I added.)

I got this recipe here on RecipeZaar.

My Workouts Lately

Looky, I'm alive! And I actually got in a couple of good workouts this week! Wednesday I got back to the gym finally. I did 40 minutes on the arc trainer. (NEW arc trainer, too... which I'll go into in a bit.) What I find interesting is that I can still do 40 mins on the arc trainer when I haven't worked out in forever. It didn't really hurt. It wasn't really that hard. And yet, for 2 days after, my lungs burned! What the heck is up with that? I know my lungs aren't used to it. I just find it funny that I didn't struggle to breathe WHILE working out, but I have been after. I even thought maybe we had mold in the house again, because my lungs were burning so badly! Today I worked out again - this time I split it up and did 15 mins elliptical, 15 mins arc trainer, 15 mins bike. As soon as I got on the first machine I realized I was sore from Wednesday lol, I didn't even know before that. But today's workout felt really good. My lungs hurt after, but it seems to have gone away a lot more quickly. Hopefully next time they wont' hurt at all. I still need to try my wedding dress on and see how it's fitting..... LESS THAN A MONTH TO GO!!! And I need to take it in for my alterations soon! eeeek! :) Anyway, it feels good to be working out. I really haven't in a while because of my foot pain - which IS getting better by the way. I got my ORTHOTICS last week! They take some getting used to, and actually cause pain too while your muscles are adjusting to your new way of walking. But I already feel like I'm getting more used to them (it can take up to 6 weeks.) However, something I've been doing has been working. I am not dieting by any means, but I have cut out fast food 99% of the time. I'm down 15 pounds this month. And I definitely hope working out will help me lose another 10 before the wedding. Not because of how I will look that day or anything. I just want my dress to fit comfy. :) So... now let me get back to the NEW "Upgraded" Arc trainer machine that showed up at my gym. Here's a pic:

It's a nice machine... but take a look at where the cupholders are! It does require some acrobatics on my part to reach my water. Why couldn't they just be on the outside of the machine, farther forward? Also, a nice added feature is a fan that blows on you to cool you off. It can be set to hi, low, and off. However, the flow of the air is not adjustable. Couldn't they have simple louvers like car air conditioning systems?

See the slots where the air comes out? I wish it could be adjusted because, at my height (5'5") the air mostly goes straight over my head. It does move around in a cycle and occasionally it would go across my face... I'm guessing that's when it's meant to be cooling someones neck or chest. LOL. I'm short but I'm not THAT short. I'm also thinking of my dear Jenniy who is quite tall... How can the two of us (or a man for that matter!) be expected to use the same machine without it being adjustable? All in all I like the new machine, but some of these new features don't make sense to me.

See where those dang cup holders are in comparison to the woman? Sheesh. Anyway, the upside is they do still have one of the old machines there, on the other side of the track. I might keep using that one for a while :) That's it for now on the workout front. Just thought you might like to know what's up. PS - I am SORE! :)

My Feet

My New Regimen

Well my podiatrist appointment yesterday was very productive. I really liked this woman... she took a lot of time with me, was very personable, explained all my options, etc. Firstly, I had x-rays taken, and when she came in we looked at them first thing. Let me tell you... my feet are a lot more messed up than I realized!!!!!! Plantar Fasciitis is not my only problem! Not only is the bone spur I had removed growing back with a vengance, but I have 5 additional ones. All in all I have two on the back of each heel, and one on the top of each ankle. My achilles tendons are both extremely tight & short... as well as my fascia being really tight. I thought that when you have bone spurs, it makes your tendons tighten... but, apparently, it's the other way around. Having the tight tendons rubbing on your bone is what actually creates the bone spurs! No wonder I have so many then, since everything is tight. She said one of the problems I have is that when I had the original spur removed, the guy was too conservative and didn't take it all.... basically put a bandaid on the problem. Eventually, with these spurs, I may have to have the surgery re-done - not only on my left, but on my right too. If that happens, she would actually surgically lengthen both of my achilles tendons, which would give me a lot of relief long-term. However, I'm hopng it won't come to that point. The first step is lots of stretches... which I already do, but she also showed me a couple more. Also, she gave me the boot you see above. I am supposed to wear that on my left foot at night while I sleep. The tendons shorten at night when the foot is in the restful position, which makes my pain so horrible in the morning. The boot keeps everything flexed and lengthened overnight. I tried it last night but had to take it off after a couple of hours. It is a lot to get used to! Will try again tonight. She also would like to fit me for orthotics for my shoes. She wanted to test out whether they would give me relief... so yesterday before I left her office, she taped up my left foot. This wasn't like an ace bandage, this was some kind of heavy duty adhesive tape that has to be soaked off to remove it. It didn't feel very tight, or like it was doing anything. And it also doesn't LOOK like it's doing much....

But let me tell you this..... as I was walking out of the office... my foot didn't hurt. At ALL. I got home after sitting in the car driving... stood up... and it didn't hurt. All day long, it didn't hurt. It was AMAZING and made me feel like a new person. This was basically a test because she said the orthotics would keep my foot in that position - so if that helped me, orthotics would help me. I say.... BRING ON THE ORTHOTICS!!!!!
I definitely need them for both feet though. With the left one taped up yesterday and feeling so good, I definitely noticed the pain in my right foot a lot more. So... where it stands right now... is that when I get back from Chicago I'm going back to talk with her again and hopefully get fitted for orthotics. I'll do what I can with the stretching, icing, boot wearing, etc. OH! And, no more barefoot around the house and flip flops are for the beach. LOL. (Kristi totally called this one.) I am trying to wear my sneakers around the house today and it feels so weird. When I came home from getting Ian's prescription I took them off. It's a habit! I realized it about 20 mins later and put them back on. This is the hardest part for me I think. I can handle no flip flops... but wearing shoes in the house! It feels so restrictive. Like being told you have to leave your coat on all the time in the house. Haha. And I just don't feel that "ahhh, I'm home" relaxed feeling without taking my shoes off. BUT...... if it will help my pain... I will just have to get used to it!!!!!
Especially once I get my orthotics, because then wearing my shoes will help even more I'm sure. She also said - new shoes every 6 months, period. And yes they have to be expensive ones like new balance or asics. She gave me a list of approved shoes - exact models and everything!!!! Good timing too as I need new ones right now. I tried to order some but they didn't fit well for me. Sending those back and I guess I will order one from the list.
So yeah so far it's looking good - like I will be able to get relief without surgery. And I really like this doctor a lot. She never blamed my weight for my foot problems. In fact she said my achilles tendons are very very short, and that is something you are born with, and would be a problem even if I were a healthy weight. That was the only time she even mentioned my weight was to say that, and it felt really good to hear. YAY! Something I didn't do to myself! haha.
Another interesting thing. I showed her how I stretch. She was flabbergasted because I have to go so deep into a lunge to get a good calf stretch, and even deeper to stretch my achilles tendon. Usually people with this problem can barely stretch. So it was very obvious to her that I was telling the truth about how often I stretch and everything. She said it was very odd that the tendons are that flexible and yet so inflexible at other times. Such as me sitting back down and her trying to flex my foot. It basically wouldn't move. And that is directly after me stretching. It's really weird! The best way she could explain it is that they are flexible, but snap back immediately, like a rubber band, and do not stay lengthened. That's part of why it may still be a good idea down the road for her to surgically lengthen the tendons. If I do that though, it would be a loooong process... one foot at a time... surgery.... cast... physical therapy. Rinse and repeat. Haha. I really hope I don't have to do that. So that's the update, and I'll let you guys know what happens when I go to my follow up appointment in two weeks. Also - i did take pics of my new clothes! And I'll be working on getting that post up later today or tomorrow morning!

Can't Ignore it Anymore

I have been dealing with foot pain for a couple of years... but over the past few months, it has been in a new spot, and gotten increasingly more painful. After reading through the mayo clinic's section on plantar fasciitis, I am pretty sure that is exactly what I've got. The location of the pain fits, and the symptoms - as far as the worst pain being when i get up in the morning, and when i get up from sitting... and that during exercise it warms up and doesn't hurt, but then AFTER.... after, it kills me.

"Plantar fasciitis causes stabbing or burning pain that's usually worse in the morning because the fascia tightens (contracts) overnight. Once your foot limbers up, the pain of plantar fasciitis normally decreases, but it may return after long periods of standing or after getting up from a seated position."

It's also much worse in my left foot. I feel it in my right, but the difference is night and day. The amount of pain in the right foot wouldn't really even have me thinking about going to get it checked... whereas the left has gotten to the point where I can no longer ignore it and must do something NOW.

This makes sense based on this bit of info found in the causes:

Improper shoes. Shoes that are thin-soled, loose, or lack arch support or the ability to absorb shock don't protect your feet. If you regularly wear shoes with high heels, your Achilles tendon — which is attached to your heel — can contract and shorten, causing strain on the tissue around your heel.

While I do not wear high heels hardly ever - I have the same problem without doing so. My left achilles tendon is already contracted and shortened and strained - because of the surgery I had on my heel which I think was in 2003. They removed a bone spur from my heel and had to cut into the tendon to do so. It healed poorly and hurts me often. This - combined with my weight - is more than enough explanation for the pain I am having. And I'm pretty sure it is plantar fasciitis.

I called a foot clinic, and they took my insurance, AND had an opening tomorrow at 2pm! That was way too easy :) It's even a female podiatrist, yay bonus.

So tomorrow I'm going, and I hope she has some good answers for me and some suggestions for treatment. It has really gotten to the point where I can barely convince myself to go for an easy walk, as the pain is so bad. Even though during the walk it gets better, the first 5 mins are hard and then after I'm done, it hurts much worse the entire day. Ow ow ow ow ow. One of the thing the website says is common is that they will give you a split to wear when you sleep, that lengthens the achilles tendon and plantar fascia as you sleep. That sounds like it would help a LOT.

On a happier note - I bought some new clothes. They fit well and make me feel better about myself. I wanted to take pics of all the tops, but the camera wasn't in a nice mood today and I didn't like how I looked in the pics. But, I do have a couple of closeups in one top, and a shot in the mirror from another.

That's all I have for now. I will make another attempt tomorrow at taking pics in all the tops. I need it to be outside in more flattering light, for sure. That just wasn't happening today as Ian's dad is here working on the tile and he cuts the tiles out back where it was shady and a good spot for picture taking :) So hopefully tomorrow I will have more to share. Scratch that. Just found out he's back tomorrow! Hehe. Oh well, sometime soon. Before Chicago, definitely. I did mention I am going to Chicago right??? I'm going next Thursday!

Four Weeks of Workouts

Sorry I haven't posted about my workouts in quite a while. You probably thought I quit! Admit it, that's what you thought! :)

Well for once, it's not the case. I've now been going strong for 4 weeks. I haven't always met the 3x per week, but other times I've done 4, so it evens out. The important thing is I have kept it up consistently for 4 weeks now and I feel great about that. I also have firm plans to work out again tomorrow morning with my dad.

I already posted about week one of my workouts ... I don't know if I have the desire to post play-by-play of 3 more weeks LOL. But let me go over some of the things that have come up.

I have really enjoyed mixing up my workouts where I do 2-3 different things in each one hour session. It really helps me to keep it going.

My mile has not improved much on the track. My speed improved a bit during the first week but has pretty much stayed the same since then. My leg, foot, and back problems really affect my regular walking, and I think it's going to be that way for a while. But, every time I go I start out with my mile on the track, and I hope that eventually I will see improvement there. If I keep it up, it's bound to get better.

I noticed I was developing bad pain in my right knee and calf. I finally realized it was because of the track. See, the direction of the track changes based on the day of the week. M,W,F,Sun you go one way and Tu,Th,Sat you go the other way. Since we were going M W F, I was always going the same direction on the track. That's why I was getting pain in my right leg. So now we were alternating so that one week we go M W F and the next week we go Tu Th Sat. I think this will really help. This is the first week of going Tu Th Sat so we went yesterday and are going again tomorrow.

Also, I've really improved at the ARC trainer. I started with 15 minutes hill intervals, level 1. Now I do level 2 for 30 minutes, and yesterday I even upped the incline manually to the highest it would go, for about a minute 3 different times in the workout. So I'm doing really well with that.

The newest addition to my workouts is my Wii Fit! I got it for Christmas, but today was the first day I really tried it out. I had a lot of fun with it. There is so much to do on there and to see yourself improve at things. I also have the Jillian Michales game for it, but that will have to wait. I might try it out on Friday if I am so inclined.

I was SO happy about the Wii Fit NOT forcing me to look at my weight. It does weigh you, to give you your BMI - but you can choose whether or not to see the weight. It has a separate chart. Did I peek? YES. Hahaha. But the important thing is I can look at it only when I want to. I was afraid I'd be forced to look every time and start fixating on the number on the scale again, which is not the life I want to lead anymore.

Anyway I had a LOT of fun playing the games on there. Here's my cute little Mii character and my chart showing that I did training today:

Isn't that cute? A lot of the games were so cute. If you guys are interested I can take more screenshots and stuff the next time I play, just let me know if you are interested or not :)

So yeah, that's about it but I just wanted you guys to know I've been on top of this! Whoo hooo!