Yesterday I was feeling frustrated because my weight hasn't been going down very much lately. I weighed myself at my gym and it gave me the same result I see at home. 273. I am feeling a little stressed because at my 3 week appt I weighed 282 and I have my 6 week appt coming up tomorrow and it will be 9 pounds less in 3 weeks. I guess I feel like with surgery it should be faster than that but I need to let my body do what it needs to do in order to catch up before we keep heading down in #'s again.
I really thought I would be okay with the scale and not care about the weight. I think it's partially other people that play into this because the question you get from everyone every time you see them is "How much have you lost now???"... not "How are you feeling about being more active?" or "Doesn't it feel great to be a size down?" or "That's so wonderful that emotionally you have made so much progress." No, all people want to know is the numbers. I don't blame them - it's the concrete way to judge success in their minds. Although I am measuring my success in many ways, other people don't, and that's ok. But I thought **I** would be able to ignore the numbers... and I haven't been. When I got on that scale at the gym I expected to see 270. Or even 267. I've been working out a LOT and eating well. Isn't it only fair?
I have to take a chill pill, sit back and relax. There is no rush here. I think the problem comes from having lost & gained SO MANY times that I am terrified that is going to happen again. I have lost 30-40 pounds several times and been in this exact place - feeling better, wearing smaller clothes, have a good progress photo comparison. And it has always been fleeting. So I feel like I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop... to start gaining it back even though I'm working hard. That's when I throw in the towel.
I am waiting for proof that this time is different. What I have to realize is the proof is there. It's my incisions... it's the restriction I feel if I take one extra bite of food past 2.5 ounces. I have had surgery, and that will make this different. As long as I continue to put in my hard work, I WILL be successful.
I realized when I got home from the gym/swimming yesterday I was feeling a little bummed about this. When I got hungry, I went to eat some mac and cheese. Now this in and of itself is okay, I have it from time to time and I eat so little that it's okay and fits into my meal plan. The problem was WHY I wanted to eat it. I wanted to eat something "bad" and "comforting" to make myself feel better. I recognized this in myself and put it down and decided to have some shrimp - high protein and low everything else, one of the best choices I can make. But then I turned back and said "screw it, it's not like I can eat the whole thing of mac and cheese anymore (we are talking the personal portions that come in cups)... so it won't hurt me to have it and I'll feel better." I even opened the cardboard package and took out a cup. Then I said "no - it may not hurt me now, but one day I'll be able to eat more and these kinds of choices will make me gain my weight back. I need to start changing these behaviors NOW." So I put it back down and had the shrimp.
What did I realize? THAT made me feel better. Way more than eating the mac and cheese would have. Because I realized that eating due to being bummed about the scale would only slow things further. If I want the scale to get moving, I have to do the right things and make the right choices. I ended up having a stellar day yesterday - all my protein, all my water, in my calorie range, and even did more exercise. I had already gone swimming but after the Mac n Cheese Epiphany, I asked Ian if we could go walking when he got home from work. So we did :)
These emotional and behavioral issues are the true challenge to this. The surgery, the small portions, the eating, the exercising - they are all doable and not that hard. It's this internal stuff that is the truly difficult part. The true mountain to climb. But I am getting there, one day at a time!
I have my first appointment with my therapist since surgery coming up this afternoon and I'm definitely going to talk to her about all of this!
Yay on saying NO to the Mac and Cheese!!!! You are right...hurdles like that are what prepare you for the marathon of a healthy lifestyle and good for you for recognizing that! You will get past this plateau so stay strong. Did you know you can actually gain weight when you increase your exercise amount due to increased blood in your muscles so it's not surprising that with all the activity you've been doing that that may be what's happening. That happens to me... I gain weight every time I start a new workout routine but eventually your faster metabolism sets in and the real calorie burning starts to happen. Hang in there and throw that scale away, girl...just enjoy the new you and only weigh in at the dr's office!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great! Making awesome choices! And just so you know...many, many, many of us hit a stall at that same exact time. Be thankful you lost what you did during that time, because I spent two weeks losing ZERO! And I cried, and thought I failed again, and went on every message board I could find, for them to all tell me what I'm telling you :) That your body goes through "adjustment" periods, and that when you work out at the gym, you are trading out the fat for muscle. One pound of fat weighs the same as one pound of muscle...but muscle takes up MUCH less space on your body, and burns calories for you while you're doing nothing at all! But really...3-6 weeks is typical stall time. It took me 4 months to stop freaking out that "this" wasn't going to work for me. I understand where you're coming from. I still have a healthy dose of that pop up once in awhile. Keeps me on my toes...it's a good thing for me now:) Keep up the awesome work and ENJOY life!
ReplyDeleteI think that I may print out this post of yours, so that in a few weeks when I am struggling I can easily access it. I am already having some of those fears that you are talking about - this not working like everything else. Thanks for being so open!
ReplyDeleteAllison