Wading Through My Feelings

Yesterday I was feeling frustrated because my weight hasn't been going down very much lately. I weighed myself at my gym and it gave me the same result I see at home. 273. I am feeling a little stressed because at my 3 week appt I weighed 282 and I have my 6 week appt coming up tomorrow and it will be 9 pounds less in 3 weeks. I guess I feel like with surgery it should be faster than that but I need to let my body do what it needs to do in order to catch up before we keep heading down in #'s again.

I really thought I would be okay with the scale and not care about the weight. I think it's partially other people that play into this because the question you get from everyone every time you see them is "How much have you lost now???"... not "How are you feeling about being more active?" or "Doesn't it feel great to be a size down?" or "That's so wonderful that emotionally you have made so much progress." No, all people want to know is the numbers. I don't blame them - it's the concrete way to judge success in their minds. Although I am measuring my success in many ways, other people don't, and that's ok. But I thought **I** would be able to ignore the numbers... and I haven't been. When I got on that scale at the gym I expected to see 270. Or even 267. I've been working out a LOT and eating well. Isn't it only fair?

I have to take a chill pill, sit back and relax. There is no rush here. I think the problem comes from having lost & gained SO MANY times that I am terrified that is going to happen again. I have lost 30-40 pounds several times and been in this exact place - feeling better, wearing smaller clothes, have a good progress photo comparison. And it has always been fleeting. So I feel like I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop... to start gaining it back even though I'm working hard. That's when I throw in the towel.

I am waiting for proof that this time is different. What I have to realize is the proof is there. It's my incisions... it's the restriction I feel if I take one extra bite of food past 2.5 ounces. I have had surgery, and that will make this different. As long as I continue to put in my hard work, I WILL be successful.

I realized when I got home from the gym/swimming yesterday I was feeling a little bummed about this. When I got hungry, I went to eat some mac and cheese. Now this in and of itself is okay, I have it from time to time and I eat so little that it's okay and fits into my meal plan. The problem was WHY I wanted to eat it. I wanted to eat something "bad" and "comforting" to make myself feel better. I recognized this in myself and put it down and decided to have some shrimp - high protein and low everything else, one of the best choices I can make. But then I turned back and said "screw it, it's not like I can eat the whole thing of mac and cheese anymore (we are talking the personal portions that come in cups)... so it won't hurt me to have it and I'll feel better." I even opened the cardboard package and took out a cup. Then I said "no - it may not hurt me now, but one day I'll be able to eat more and these kinds of choices will make me gain my weight back. I need to start changing these behaviors NOW." So I put it back down and had the shrimp.

What did I realize? THAT made me feel better. Way more than eating the mac and cheese would have. Because I realized that eating due to being bummed about the scale would only slow things further. If I want the scale to get moving, I have to do the right things and make the right choices. I ended up having a stellar day yesterday - all my protein, all my water, in my calorie range, and even did more exercise. I had already gone swimming but after the Mac n Cheese Epiphany, I asked Ian if we could go walking when he got home from work. So we did :)

These emotional and behavioral issues are the true challenge to this. The surgery, the small portions, the eating, the exercising - they are all doable and not that hard. It's this internal stuff that is the truly difficult part. The true mountain to climb. But I am getting there, one day at a time!

I have my first appointment with my therapist since surgery coming up this afternoon and I'm definitely going to talk to her about all of this!

Manic Monday

I do have a couple photos to share today! Firstly, today was my first day back to my gym in a long time. It was also my first time swimming since surgery. I got to try out their outdoor pool... it was lovely and I had SUCH a good time!

It was prettier once I was in there, but I didn't have my phone (camera) with me anymore when I was about to swim. Took this photo from the parking lot on my way in.

During the day today I mostly did things around home, and watched the first Sex and the City movie.

Tonight when Ian got home we went for a walk as the sun was setting. It was a really nice walk I can feel myself being in better shape already. It was also very scenic as we went around the water.

That's about it for today. Still working on more blog posts :)

Flogg Daily

I have been tracking my food and exercise in this awesome book called "Flogg Daily." I did a lot of research and this is what I liked the best.



Firstly, it looks and feels high quality, like a nice journal. It doesn't scream "I'M A DIET JOURNAL!" to people. It's sleek, hardcover, durable, just NICE overall.

The inside is set up really well. Every day has fitness on one side and food on the other.



What I like about the fitness side - there is room for two cardio sessions, and more than one exercise per session. There is also room for strength training.



What I like about the food side - there's room for 6 meals a day which is what we are typically eating... it also tracks everything I want to track including cals, fat, carbs, protein, water and vitamins.



The back of the book has Progress Pages which I also really like. There's room to record all of my measurements each month.



You can also record how well you do on fitness tests periodically but at least right now that's not something I'm doing.

Overall, I love this book. Ian is using a black one and he is enjoying it too. It has everything I could need. I have yet to find an iPhone app that is as good as this book so for now I'm sticking with the hard copy :)

If you are interested in your own Flogg, you can buy it from Flogg Daily's website. They do have it on Amazon for the same price if you prefer.

Keeping track of everything is really helping me. Some days I only track my protein count, water, and vitamins... but at least 3 days a week I track full nutritional info to see how I'm doing with calorie intake.

Right now I average 500-700 calories a day. On days I work out, I burn 200-400 calories... I try to eat more on those days but the most calories I've ever been able to eat is 1,000 and that wasn't easy. It was a day I burnt 500 cals though so I tried! :)

A Quick Catch Up

I have been SO busy lately. Very soon I'll be posting about the last two weekends and all the fun things we have done. But this post is going to be just a quick round up of a bunch of things going on lately.

Firstly, all is well for me as life post weight-loss surgery. I have been really active lately, I'm able to eat a huge variety of foods now, I'm happy and satisfied with my small portions and I'm feeling great. I lost 37 pounds in my first month and saw a big difference already:

This coming Wednesday will be my 6 week checkup! Can't believe it. Everything is going really great for my husband too and Wednesday will be his 4 week checkup and we'll find out for sure how much he has lost.

In other news... a few days ago I found out my best friend wants to move back to Colorado again, and live with us for about a year! I am so excited! We will be like 2 peas in a pod again (I hope) :)

She has a lot of reasons for coming out here for a while, and I respect all of them. Plus I'm just happy we will get to spend more time together for a while. I feel like we will both be going through some changes, and sort of growing up some more, and it will be awesome to be together and support each other through a lot of it.

Let's see... what else. Last weekend we went to Steamboat Springs for the Rocky Mountain Mustang Roundup. I'll be doing SEVERAL posts about that very soon. This weekend we went to Estes Park and had a great time... again, coming soon. LOL. We saw Toy Story 3 today and loved it.

This past Monday we had a little BBQ at my parents' house for Father's Day. My dad grilled up some Bratwurst which was really yummy. Here he is playing grillmaster:

I was able to eat 1/2 a bratwurst, no bun. It was delicious.

I got this new tank top I really like:

Ian recently got a brand new iPhone 4... look how happy he is!

I have been trying to spend a little more time with my aunt and grandma lately. But it's still not enough... need to do more! This is them on a walk we took a couple weeks ago.

I also just have to share this cute picture. I tried to take a nap the other day but came to find that there was no room left for me. Ian and the 3 cats were doing all the napping!

Today was really nice - after the movies we ended up at Ian's grandparents house and we finally gave his grandma Doris the digital camera we got for her. She loved it!!! It's her first digital one.

OK now I feel a bit more caught up :) And there are more blog posts coming soon, I swear!

My Fave Workout Right Now

There are so many things I've been meaning to post about here. Plus I totally missed doing a one month video... I guess I'll do one at two months instead! OK so for today, a quick post about my favorite workout I've been doing lately...

Leslie Sansone's 3 Mile Walk Away the Pounds Express! I have been using her videos for years. They may be a little corny, but they WORK. They are a great full body workout with easy-to-learn moves and they always make me feel good. It helps that Leslie is always encouraging, too :) I've had this video for years. I always go back to her stuff. When I got the huge blister on my foot and it became painful to walk I started doing these again. It was easier for my foot to go up and down on the floor than for me to be outside walking. Not to mention it has been HOT!!!

If you have never tried her videos, I highly recommend them. The Walk Away the Pounds Express is a great system - I have the videos in 1 mile, 2 mile, 3mile, and 4 mile. I am also coveting the 5 mile.
I have the first four on separate DVD's but these days you can buy it in one collection for only $10. What a freaking steal. I probably paid $20 for each one separately back in the day. If you are interested click the photo to go to the page on Amazon.

I am already feeling my legs AND arms getting stronger! I am using 3lb hand weights during most of the walk.

Overall I am SO enjoying being more active. I do this workout 2-3 time a week, take a walk or two, and then on the weekends we have been active doing hiking, geocaching, whatever we feel like! It feels great.

If you are interested in trying some Leslie Sansone workouts just hop on amazon and put in your name.  I also have the Walk & Kick DVD and the Walk & Jog DVD and I really like those. They get the heart rate up so well. She has another series called Slim, Shape & Sculpt which is similar to step aerobics, except more simple and I like it so much better. I don't see those on Amazon though and I'm not sure if you can still buy those. I've never been disappointed by any of Leslie's stuff. Just as a disclaimer I don't have any affiliation... I just really like her stuff :)

One Month Progress

I had surgery one month ago yesterday. Since we got home late from a trip, I did my weigh in, photos, and measurements today. I was so pleasantly surprised by how far I've come in a month!

First, the basics. I have lost 37 pounds and almost 25 inches!!! My BMI has gone from 51.6 to 45.4
Starting weight = 310, Current weight = 273

Next, the photos, because everybody loves photos :)

The first set is in a top that fit me well at my heaviest, and is now nice and roomy:

Now the next couple sets are in some tank tops that were too snug on me at the beginning and are pretty much fitting now.

I also put this little animation together... it was Ian's idea. I would like to do this with the grey tank top photos too because I think you can see more, but it's a lot of work so maybe I'll do those when I take my 2 month photos. I like this because you can REALLY see the difference looking at it this way:

I also want to share my measurements. As I mentioned up top I lost a total of almost 25 inches in the first month! I did want to post the breakdown of all the measurements both for my own records and for anyone who might be interested.

Neck: Was 18", Now 16 1/2"
Bust: Was 54 1/2", Now 50"
Chest: Was 51", Now 46"
Upper Arm: Was 20 3/4", Now 19 3/4"
Forearm: Was 13", Now 12 1/4"
Above Waist: Was 56 1/4", Now 54"
Waist: Was 55 1/4", Now 52"
Hip: Was 61", Now 58 1/2"
Thigh: Was 32", Now 29 1/2"
Calf: Was 20 1/2", Now 19 1/2"
Foot: Was 10 3/4", Now 10 1/4"

Total inches measured - Was 393", Now 368 1/4" (Loss of 24 3/4")


I have a lot to say as far as how I'm feeling at 1 month out and what life is like but I will save that for the next post because it's late and I'm exhausted! But just know that I'm very very happy :)

Hello Clothes, Goodbye Clothes

Yesterday and today have mostly been spent going through my closet, and a huge storage bin of clothes. My current clothes we getting quite loose. I am still wearing quite a lot of them - the ones that I was wearing VERY tight on me before and now they fit well. But some are too big and had to go. I also had some older stuff I just didn't want anymore, even if it is still smaller. Besides all this my closet was a bit of a mess, stuff on the floor, drawers all crammed with random stuff. I needed to go through everything.

This is where I started. Looks innocent enough.

There's my laundry basket with clean stuff to put away, a pile of a few new things from Wal-Mart and Old Nacy, and a box of clothes  I purchased from ebay. This was all in our room and got me thinking, it's time to tackle this stuff.

Somehow, a little while later, I was looking at this:

I first separated out all my warm stuff since it's summer and I don't need it. I put some in the get rid of pile, and some in the keep pile. It may not fit anymore when it gets cooler but for now I'll keep it. It's Colorado so I may sometimes need these at random times or if I go up in to the mountains.

When I finished I had a whole box of stuff for Goodwill:

A good pile of still-too-small stuff to put back in my storage bins (these were new items from my mom, from an ebay purchase, etc that are still sizes 20,18,16):

And I had this ENTIRE RACK of clothing that I am getting rid of!!!!

That's a bunch of stuff going bye-bye. I was looking into this plus size consignment shop today, but they have SO MANY rules and restrictions so it may not be the best option. I might just have a little garage sale in a couple weeks. For now this is just sitting in my living room. Our cat Big Orange was enjoying this clothing rack in the oddest way...

Ok dude, whatever makes you happy I guess!

Alright so back to clothes. Once I had all this stuff done, divided, etc, my closet was looking pretty bare:

That's my whole closet, yes. By the way I would like to take this opportunity to point out that my husband has a gazillion times more closet space than I do. This is HIS side of the closet:

The little part you see to the right begins my little portion of the closet! I am pretty good about clothes. It may seem like I had a ton but a lot of it had been stored in crazy places. I typically keep ONLY what fits hanging in my closet and only things I actually wear... so it stays small. But I may end up stealing some more closet space from hubby as time goes on.

Anyway my closet was pretty bare and then I thought... if all this stuff was too big, maybe some of my smaller items might fit now. So I pulled out a big tub of clothes marked:

These were stored away when they became too small. I got rid of things I didn't want but kept things I thought I'd really want to wear again. So I pulled out this bin today and tried on everything in the box. EVERY SINGLE THING FIT except for ONE tank top that although marked an 18, fits like a 14. Also there were more sweaters and sweatshirts so I left them in the bin.
 During the trying on, it was a bit messy again:

Luckily I had Supervisor Cat to keep the project on track. (That's Phoebe.)

I was particularly excited about these sets of tops I have with a plain tank top and a striped lightweight collared shirt over it. I have it in 3 colors. I used to wear them ALL the time 3 summers ago because they are so light and comfy. They fit again!!! Just a tad snug across the back but they work and in 10 more lbs they will be perfect. Here I am all happy with one of them on:

Disclaimer: Objects in mirror may be chubbier than they appear. LOL. Part of my body is cut off in the reflection so I am not as thin as I look there lol.

Once I tried it all on and knew it fit I added it all to my closet. Now we're talkin' :

A nice full closet again, with lots ready to be worn!!

I worked HARD, and I was tired, but by the time I wanted to take a nap, it appeared all the spots were already taken:

Ain't that a kick in the head.